Extra Grace Required

Compared to what?

2011-12-06T17:37:00.004-05:00

Remember as kids making claims such as, "our car is so old" or "these clothes are completely out of style," or "we never get to do anything fun?"

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with a former school mate--actually a classmate of one of my sisters--who contacted me because of her experience with a car crash several years ago. She lives within 15 minutes of me and we are facebook friends. Perhaps with any significant experience, it helps to associate with those who have similar encounters. The conversation flows with more mutual understanding and includes fewer lengthy explanations. Yet there are intuitive moments of deep connection. Freedom flows from such connections. What a healing, grace filled gift!

Two things especially resonated with me today. As she recalled her own accident, she said, "we see God in all the small things. He is in the small things. Of course he is in big things, too, but how many of those do we really have in our lives?" It is the multiplied consistency of ordinary, small and faithful moves that continue to build our trust in this powerful, ever present God. I needed that reminder.

Secondly, she reminded me of some of her own coping patterns for fears and fragile moments. For me, right now, driving in the rain provokes vulnerable and frenetic fears absolutely unfamiliar to me, almost to the point of complete panic. I know this will lessen and subside. Her experience led her to recount scriptures and phrases of such certainty that she offered them as an offering and declaration in her desperate moments. My methods pale in scope and depth. But her challenge and encouragement ring in my spirit.

In my memory of these childhood complaints, an offered response was sometimes, "as compared to what?" That is part of what I heard today, too. Things may not seem that great. Things may seem bleak. Fingers of despair creep into view.

But perspective and comparison shape new constructs and remind me to be thankful in even the smallest things. Compared to oodles of people, my life overflows with rich and abundant blessings. I expect moments of fear and discouragement, despite the acknowledgment of blessing. But I know God will grant the grace to move beyond fear and return to thanksgiving and trust.

Hypothesis forming

2011-11-21T16:59:00.001-05:00

I cannot prove this, but I desperately want it to be true:
Dogs need to be part of the kingdom of heaven.

They heal. They amuse. They sometimes frustrate. They accompany. They comfort. They beg. They play. And in the case of our dog, I would be remiss to not mention, they poop and pee.

One of the things I appreciate most about our dog is that he does not complain. When he is under the weather, he might not eat as much, but he does not whine or even really moan about anything. He still wags his tail. He still goes for walks.

I also appreciate how he keeps me company. He sits beside me and tends to follow me wherever I go. Yes, he is a bit needy sometimes, but for the most part, he simply is present and wants to be near me. As a result, his listening skills are also top notch. Really. An occasional interruption if he sees a squirrel or cat, but that is it. He simply hears what I say. He keeps advice giving to a minimum, too. It's remarkable.

Probably my favorite thing is how he greets me when I return home. He is ALWAYS waiting for me at the door and is always happy to see me. What a fabulous homecoming.

Yes, this dog, and probably yours, too, is an extension of grace in the midst of a sometimes cold world. I hope they are part of the kingdom of God to come, too!

no easy answer

2011-11-14T21:54:00.002-05:00

When I was unemployed a few years ago, it challenged me to respond to the question, "what do you do?" I began detesting meeting new people, which, is quite out of character for me, and imagined ways to avoid the question, much less the answer, at all costs.

Currently I am developing a similar aversion to the question of how am I doing. People mean well. It is a courtesy question, I know. Sometimes we do not even really spend the time to hear the answer. The easiest (most palatable?) and most acceptable reply is "good" or "okay." And whether people would admit this or not, I think people WANT that response. I do.

In my mind, really, I desperately want to be okay.
And for the most part, I am okay.
But there is a part of me that is off.

It is the part of me that absolutely panics when I pass another car, wondering if my car will swerve and nick even the slightest section of the car I am passing. It is the part of me that perspires because another car is speeding up to pull ahead of me only to brake and I anxiously wonder if my car will actually brake on time. It is the part of me that crumbles and cries because B mentions test driving another car and I realize again that "my" car is probably lost to me forever.

I am more comfortable when people are okay, or good. And honestly, I am more comfortable if I can honestly say okay or good myself.

But for now, I am not there. And I am going to have to be okay with that in order to move closer to "normal" if such a destination even exists! Yet another lesson in the time grace takes.

Crash

2011-11-09T15:32:00.005-05:00

I was in an accident today.
It is truly surreal.

Today's rains made the road slippery.
But I grew up in Seattle. Rain is familiar to me.
Snowy and icy roads through years of living in the Midwest have made me cautious.
I was not speeding or doing anything "stupid" but noticed my car starting to hydroplane. I let up on the gas but found it was out of control.

I wish I could fully describe the next few seconds.

Out.
Of.
Control.

Impact.
Harsh.
Noisy.
Jarring.

I saw people's faces as my car collided with theirs. Patient travelers transformed into horrified causalities.

But those faces pale in comparison to what I witnessed next.

Even as my car spun wildly, I could not lose sight of theirs. It spun and then ricocheted across the lanes into the median where it rolled and seemed to flip more than once. Debris literally littered the roadside, causing the west bound traffic to swerve and slow.
It was not a movie scene.
It was happening and I could not stop saying, "Oh God. Oh my God."

When their car finally settled it was 20 feet from where mine expired. Metal buckled and glass evaporated. I could not see their faces now.

Other people responded more quickly, sans the haze I felt settled about me. I tried to dial 911 but realized I only pushed one number. Several other travelers exited their cars and attended to the other car and to me. They amazed me as they assisted us and determined if we were okay.

I have played and replayed this scene in my mind.
Could I have done anything differently?

Emotions assuage me even now as I am so grateful to be okay, at least, okay physically, but am overwhelmed with guilt, shock, and even shame. I am shaken. I am not being dramatic to say this has rocked my world. My mind replays the event tirelessly.

B has called to insure that the other passengers are okay--okay in that they are alive with injuries that are not life threatening. It is amazing to know that upon seeing their car's wreckage. I believe God protected all of us from something so much worse. I feel incredible guilt for how this impacted their lives. I was told they were a family of five on their way to Washington DC for a vacation. I am certain today's crash was not part of their anticipated agenda. My car may be totaled, but their lives completely shifted in those split seconds. They will also never be the same, but not through any invitation on their part.

I really do not know what to do except ask that you would join me in praying. I have no where else to turn.
My times are in your hands, Papa. May you be honored and glorified through this I pray. And protect this other family. Heal them. Shelter them. Bless them, Lord. May this be turned to good in their lives in amazing ways. Thank you for your protection and grace. Thank you. Thank you.

Not gone yet

2011-02-03T14:49:00.002-05:00

BLOGGING....I miss it!! If there was a way to blog by transmitting my thoughts from my car to the printed page, this blog will be updated daily. And perhaps there IS a way...but I do not have the capacity or technology to do so. Suffice it to say, I am blogging, constantly, in my very head. But I am not taking the time or using the energy to update it here. Obviously!!

In the category of best.gifts.ever, I will brag to say that last year, my dear husband gave me my favorite Christmas gift. It was the "izoom" pass for the toll road. That may seem pathetic, but on my drives from Indiana to Michigan and back again, it is a lovely thing. AND, it works when we go through the Chicago area tolls, too. I love it.

This year the favorite gift will become obvious as I share this story.
Last weekend we experienced tremendous snow and cold, again. It was very lovely, though, despite the frigid (for Indiana) temperatures. As I neared home, I dodged to avoid some ice/snow/car debris. I successfully missed one, but, alas, completely ran over the second deposit. This was literally a block from home.

An hour after I had returned home, as I walked back into the garage, I noticed that my tire was flat.
That is where my Christmas gift came into play. B called AAA (because he gave me roadside service for Christmas). AAA came and pumped up the tire. We scurried on the road to firestone where they determined the tire could not be saved. However, I had insurance on my tires. My only expense was paying the $11 insurance on my new tire.
Although I was sad the road debris "ruined" my tire, the Christmas gift, and the insurance on the tire, made for a potentially expensive day to turn out just right! Thank you B, and thank you Papa!

Now, that is grace!!

tsa, the state department, customs, and the Dutch embassy? Really?

2010-06-09T09:10:00.004-04:00

It all started when I was chatting with Bonnie. And I remembered, oh that is right, my ticket and my passport are in different names.

Let me back up. My mom has been planning this trip to Europe for, well, ever. She and my Dad have been there a few weeks. My oldest sister is already there. And my other sisters and myself are leaving to join them tomorrow.

That is, if I can board the plane.

The trip is a trip of a lifetime, really, as my parents have planned it (and by my parents, I mean my Mom. She's the planner. It is great!) and they are paying for most of it. We are responsible for the plane fare. I kept waiting (we all kept waiting) for ticket prices to drop. But really, they just are high. At points I questioned whether or not we could even afford for me to go. My roommates are moving out. My house is not sold. My school loans are coming due. Did I mention two mortgages? :)

Sometime this spring I remembered my frequent flier miles (thank you Holy Spirit).
I had saved them for our honeymoon. But at honeymoon time, B was unemployed and we couldn't afford to drive anywhere, really, much less fly, so we did not use them.
Upon investigation my account revealed I almost had enough to book a trip to Amsterdam. So, through some amazing provision of God, through the years and presently, my $1300 ticket only cost me about $300. Hooray!!

That said, my frequent flier mile account exists in my maiden name. I contacted the airline and they told me how to communicate the change, provide proof, etc. etc. I fax over the change of name (three separate places, including the attached marriage license) and did not give it another thought.
Until I tried to book the ticket. And it would not allow my married name.
...
so I booked it anyway.
That was probably one of my first mistakes.

Flash forward now to the current conversation with my friend Bonnie. I recall that I was dreaming about not being able to board the plane. I also received an email confirmation that they had changed my name but nothing had changed in my account settings. And beyond that, I had an overall nagging intuition that something is not right.
So I called the airline.
And bless his heart, "John," the first attendant I spoke with said,
"Oh no. There is no way you can board the plane if your passport and ticket are in different names. And we cannot rebook this or change it for you. You are going to have to cancel the ticket and try to rebook it. But here, don't worry, let me put you through to our help desk..."
And so the transfers began.
The help desk person confirmed some of John's comments.
But it went deeper. She casually offered,
"oh, they did change your name. They changed it to Diana G Klungel."

People, I am holding back. I keep muttering in my spirit, "this is not her fault. She is not to blame. She did not do this..."
And I manage to blurt out,
"um, what did they change it FROM?"
"Diana Klungel. They added the G."

Not even sure I can adequately respond to that, I rummage through my paperwork to find the fax cover sheet where I had stated my name change THREE, did I mention this, three times, along with a marriage license which clearly defines a name change.

I ask her to please note in my file that I had previously requested the change from my maiden name to my married name and that I had been told repeatedly that they could not reissue my ticket or change my name.
She informed me that she does not handle that but she could note it in my file. I did also refax the original documents, including new notes in some rather "emotional looking" handwriting to highlight the ways I had communicated my name change when I had first sent the fax.

Then she suggested that although I could cancel my ticket, it would be a $150 cancellation fee, plus the rebooking fee, and that maybe I should call TSA first.

I call TSA. Who after transferring me around finally said, "no, we do not handle international flights, only domestic. You will have to call the state department about how to leave the country, and customs about how to return to the US."

The next call is placed to the state department and I wait to find the right person to help me there.
When operator #3 responds to my questions, she informs me that I need to call the Dutch embassy because they are the only ones who can tell me what is necessary to enter their country. (At this point I am still thinking, what does it matter if I can't even board my flight???)

I proceed to the Dutch embassy, who really, forgive my heritage, but they did not seem to want to give me the time of day. And although she suggested I could travel with my marriage license, she stressed even more strongly, "you need to call the airline. It is their problem."

Well, I agreed with her there but did not want to reiterate my whole life story so I ended the call wondering how I would communicate with my family that I would not be on vacation with them in the Netherlands.

Not even hoping, I did call the airline back. It was the same process of routing through the automated system until I reached the "general" operator this time named Erin. And within one minute of explaining, including the explanation of having resent my fax, my trip through the government and foreign agencies,and my overall somewhat crazy and nightmarish experience on the phone that very day, she asked me to hold. She returned briefly to say, "okay, I have re-booked your ticket. You should be all set."

Now, I am not ungrateful. I am really quite thrilled about this outcome because it is the VERY outcome I was hoping and praying for. But, adrenaline courses through my veins, and my blood pressure probably reached a tipping point, because I am thinking, why, or really why, did Erin not answer the call the FIRST time I called about this? Did I really have to call everyone and their brother to then return to the airline and have them take care of this? Really?

But I do not say any of this.
I gush, "Erin, you have made My LIFE. I am not kidding you. You have ended a nightmare and removed my fear completely. I now will have a great trip. I am so excited. You should take the rest of the day off because you have made MY LIFE!"

And so, I leave.
Tomorrow.
Lord willing.

Thank you, Papa.

Worth talking about

2010-04-22T10:45:00.002-04:00

Here are a few things I have witnessed lately,
that if I had a personal "like" button, would definitely
receive my thumbs up:

-on my way to work today, midst a lot of traffic as a semi attempted a sharp (tight) right turn, the traffic in the left turn lane (that the semi might have run over!), kindly backed up to make space for the turn. No fingers. No honking horns. No angry gestures. Just kind people accommodating this larger vehicle.

-in the grocery the other night, I witnessed someone recognizing that the person waiting behind them to check out had many fewer items, so they invited the person
behind them to check out first.

-a friend of mine recently lost her husband, and her neighbors have offered to maintain her lawn this very summer because they know her husband used to do so.

These are just a few kind acts. And they are not media worthy.
But they display love, compassion, hospitality, and grace.
These are beautiful things.

in which I explain how I almost got to ...

2010-04-08T10:10:00.005-04:00

It was one of those catch up days, the day after Easter, when I dug through work email to see what I missed. I am so grateful to work for an institution that honors Holy days like Good Friday and Easter and allows us to take some time away. Being with family is such a great gift!

That said, I stumbled across an email that noted my registration at a conference in Minneapolis in June. Because it was dated April 1, and was cc'd to a VP at this fine place I work, I forwarded the whole deal to my direct supervisor. I inquired whether this was an April fool's joke or a legitimate thing. My supervisor was in the office yesterday so he responded to my question. It was legitimate. I had been recommended to attend this conference and he wondered if it worked.
And it did...
until I really looked at my calendar.
The conference goes through July 1.
And I have an important date with B on June 30.
So, I can't go.
I want to be everywhere.
But, the reality is, I would rather be with B then traipsing somewhere else.
Even though it was a great honor to be recommended (and registered)
for an event like this.

AND, I still have the event with B to anticipate.
It is worth the sacrifice. Hooray!!

This about sums it up

2010-04-03T22:46:00.008-04:00

Putting the question to rest

2010-03-31T08:19:00.004-04:00

I am pleased to report,
to declare, and to state,
that contrary to my previously,
and frequently expressed lament,
that I might not meet my new niece,
Kayci Joy, until she is in high school,
that THIS very weekend, I will prove my own
predictions obsolete. Unless, of course, something
happens to prove otherwise, B and I will head to Fargo
to meet our precious niece and hopefully prove to her how
very much she loves us (smile) while being reminded how much
we love her. That part will not be difficult. But I am every shade
of excited.
Yes, I am equally excited to see my other nieces too, and hang out
with two of my three sisters. (We will miss you Jen!)
It is all part of the wonderful celebration
of this very Holy week.
And I am grateful to participate in it all.

We DID consider paying someone else to do the work...

2010-03-29T22:24:00.002-04:00

I will say this about my dear husband,
he is a trooper.
When the dishwasher installation
wanted the best of him,
he kept at it. Dishwasher install successful!
When the new bathroom light fixture came out of the box
bent and mangled,
he simply returned it and hung it in place anyway.
And when the replacement faucet revealed that the existing
copper piping was longer than needed,
he returned to the hardware store yet another time.

I am his biggest fan. Go you, B! I can't thank you
enough for all your efforts and expertise!

in the category of awkward (ALL shades of awkward)...

2010-03-25T08:24:00.004-04:00

"I was set up," my roommate begins.
And so goes the story of another well meaning
married person, who discovers they know two
single persons, and that they need to force
two said singles together.

This particular instance included the well meaning
person, we'll call him Bob, holding my roommate's hand
and walking her to the other single person. Bob then
led the conversation including,
"do you want to go out with her?"
"...yes."
"do you want to go out with him?"
"...yes."
"Good. There. Now you have a date."

You can about imagine Bob rubbing his hands together
with a satisfied grin about him, as he considers
what a good deed he has accomplished.

What Bob might NOT realize is the conversation
after his interference, which included the boy
saying to my roommate,
"sorry about that.
You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to."

Maybe my 39 years of singleness, multiple set up date
experiences are blurring my perspective here, but really,
I'm thinking we could avoid these situations.

I know Bob's type, and I know he means well.
But...

Speaking of games...

2010-03-20T08:02:00.000-04:00

So today is the day!!!
For the last year,
the planning and scheduling commenced.
One of our neighbors invited us
to participate in a board game decathlon.
The inspiration for the evening
came from My Boys episodes (search for the one with Game Decathlon in the title).
I have no idea what games we will play,
only that video games are not allowed,
and we will have partners,
and prizes.
Now, we shall see how I do with maturity tonight...

you know you're too competitive when...

2010-03-15T23:51:00.000-04:00

B's kids love video games. And I, well, I like games.
For the most part, I have plenty to do and can keep busy.
But when K got Super Mario Bros for his birthday,
and they kept begging me to play,
I caved.

And so we played.
More accurately, my player kept dying.
And so there are these flower power flowers,
and these power giving mushrooms,
that randomly are available to give lives
or grow you bigger,
or grant you a propeller,
or you can become a penguin (very fun),
or give you the power to have ice or fire,
or you can become very tiny and invincible.
(All very attractive options, especially when,
did I mention, my character kept dying.)
Only, if you know anything about these games,
and playing with multiple players
(which, I really don't know that much),
any one player can get much further ahead than the others.
Thus, the opportunity for these flowers or mushrooms,
while they might dispense enough for four players,
if only one player is at that part of the game,
(can u see where this is going?),
and they activate the certain power,
may actually prevent the other players from
receiving the extra boost, life, etc.
Upon detecting that my character had one remaining life,
I implored my fellow players to not "activate"
until everyone (well, namely my character)
could get there.
But that strategy failed.
The first player got them all.
So, I maturely threw down my wii remote,
said I didn't want to play with such selfish
teammates anymore, and righteously (ha!)
stomped out of the room.

The jury is out on whether or not I am smarter
than a fifth grader,
but the verdict returned that I am certainly
not more mature than one.

Sheesh.

best laid plans

2010-03-14T10:54:00.002-04:00

It's time. We made the decision to list my condo. I love the space and have completely loved living in it. It has been a delight to host friends and family through the years. The neighborhood and neighbors add to the pleasure.

Nearly eight years ago, a friend of mine helped me pack my belongings in his pickup and fit the larger things into his flatbed trailer. I drove from Zeeland to GR and another friend helped me unload. The unloading took about an hour. Since then, I've replaced the loveseat with a full coach, a few chairs. To accommodate my nieces I acquired and assembled bunkbeds. My sister offered some things for me to store because she did not have the space, so a sideboard, some end tables, some lamps, and even an additional bed joined me. Suddenly the 1800 square feet did not seem so empty. And then my roommates arrived and added their treasures. And, because I have more storage than my neighbors, I shelter their bikes and outdoor furniture. Whether it was my intention or not, I have definitely filled the space.

This weekend B and I are in GR to move most of my things. I suspect it will take a wee bit longer than the move in! The other desire was to attend my church. We arrived yesterday afternoon, we picked up the uhaul. We packed and assembled boxes and emptied shelves. My sister arrived to consider her items and determine what she wanted with her. Things were falling nicely into place. That is, until I awakened just now, and realized that we did not factor in the time change. And we will not make it to my church. Sigh. Sadly, watching Charles Stanley is not the same.

eavesdropping? okay, maybe I was

2010-03-09T22:34:00.003-05:00

It was one of those crazy date lunches,
you know, the really romantic ones
where I met B at McDonald's.
He was picking up the food,
I was getting the drinks and
settling into a spot to sit for a spell.
Of course, I kept him guessing,
not going to our "usual" place.
So when he rounded the corner to find me
I was already engrossed in the conversation
across the way.
It was the manager of the McDonald's, actually,
who appeared to be taking his lunch,
and was chatting with one of the "locals."
These are the conversations I enjoy overhearing.

Of course once B sat down, I stopped listening, er,
eavesdropping, and was completely present to him.
Much to my delight, however, the manager moved to chat
with the gentleman at the table next to ours.
At that moment, my female multi-tasking skills kicked into
high gear so I could listen to B AND overhear the table next to us.

What happened next was most exciting.
"You're a 'Bama fan?"
He asked, noticing my University of Alabama attire.
Our conversation covered the college football
championship game and his home state of Texas.
When B returned to the table (he refilled our beverages)
the conversation turned to Alabama and why we were here.

It turns out, the man's father grew up in the town next to B.
They probably went to the same high school.
(And these are not big towns, people, it was a very amazing discovery.)
So suddenly, the world was a smaller,
more cozy place in that Indiana McDonald's.

But it was the conversation exchange between
these two southern turned northern boys that really sticks with me.
The manager especially expressed that people
are more friendly and ready to have a conversation in the south.

so, what makes us northern folks so quiet, reserved, and, well,
perhaps downright unfriendly compared to our southern friends?

Twister with a twist

2010-03-08T22:54:00.005-05:00

As part of the weekend fun,
while we and Flat Stanley
awaited our delicious
Chicago style deep dish pizza,
C "invented" finger twister.

It was amazing to me that
the same competitive spirit that
causes us to push and knock one another down
whilst playing "normal" Twister,
also rears its competitive self in finger Twister.

Only, obviously, instead of knocking whole persons down,
we pushed against one another's hands and fingers, accordingly.
Additionally parallel, was the victorious sense of satisfaction
when you were the last person, er,
last hand standing, so to speak
(although, honestly, I can't personally attest to that,
as I never did win).
It was completely consuming
and a wonderful way to pass time
as we waited for our food.
I highly recommend it.

Flat Stanley & the Garretts visit Hildred

2010-03-06T22:01:00.006-05:00

In a rather uncharacteristic weekend activity,
we spontaneously drove to Hildred's today.
An even greater surprise awaited us.
Fargo's Flat Stanley was also visiting.
The terms of Flat Stanley's visit, of course,
were to engage some great adventure.

Part of the adventure included
serving pizza at Giordano's,
and working with 3D sidewalk chalk,
and sporting some funky shades.
We go all out for adventure
when Flat Stanley is involved.

Anticipation: how I love thee...

2010-03-04T15:17:00.005-05:00

We honor a few traditions in my family. We are not lavish in our birthday celebrations. But we do like to plan for special events. It seems strange to say this, since I feel much younger than 40 sounds, but, for all of our 40th birthdays, we have done something special. Except for mine.

Now, before you feel sorry for me, everyone would join this reminder train that I am the youngest child and have always been spoiled, pampered, etc. etc. (Groan!)

The beauty of my particular 4oth birthday is that it landed the day after my Dad's 80th birthday. And it happened just a few months before my Mom turned 80. Several years ago my Mom began thinking and dreaming and imagining and planning...
what if, for Di's 40th, and Dad & Mom's 80th, we do something really really special?

LIKE....
go to the Netherlands where my Dad was born and raised???

So, we are beginning to live into the plans. At first Mom scheduled for fall 2009. But for various reasons, including my graduate school demands, we pushed off until June 2010. And it is creeping its way into our imaginations and reality.

For example:
-I sent off my passport for renewal and name change last very week. And they have already cashed the check as part of the processing.
-We are discussing the places we will visit and the relatives we may meet.
-Lodging reservations are being secured.
-We are looking at the flights and hoping prices go down.
-And looking forward to the honor of
having Dad show us around his turf, among other things.

Oh, yes, I do love the anticipation.
Stay tuned.

to our neighbors...about the car alarm...

2010-03-02T07:19:00.001-05:00

so this very Sunday past, I had opportunity to meet a beloved friend for coffee. As per the usual, I went to start my car. As per not so usual, I turned the key to hear a not so welcome clicking noise, accompanied by an even more unwelcome chirp. My car alarm began to signal to all and every neighbor within well, the whole town, actually, that I was stealing my own car.

B rushed from the house with that "are you so silly, hit the panic button" look on his face to add just a little more excitement to my moment.

Um, yeah, about that panic button. I don't have a remote-unlock-panic-button-key-thingy.

If my husband looked confused before, trust me, my response regarding the absence of a remote key thingy, put him over the edge.

To get the full picture of this story, let me rewind a few years. I purchased my lovely lil' Honda from the owner who had installed an after factory remote opener with panic button, etc. I used such remote happily, cheerfully, responsibly, (mostly). Until one day, I visited my friend Beth at her very work, while they were cleaning up after an event. In my foolishness, I set my key thingy on a table. And it was thrown away. We scrounged through the trash looking for it, but to no avail. When I called an alarm company about replacing the remote feature, I was informed that my system really doesn't exist without the remote piece so I would need to pay $100+ for a new system, which would then include the new remote. Tempting as it was, I said no to the expense. My bad. I lost the remote.
Rejoining "the real-time moment" I have to admit, that advice seems a bit off, considering, the very alarm my car did not possess, was in fact blaringly (new word, anyone?) revealing its existence.
And it went off.
For ever.
It is still ringing in my head, honestly.

The bad news is (all the other up there= good news!) that the alarm is connected to the ignition so we couldn't even take the car somewhere to receive expert advice. And the only way I could "trick" the car and silence the alarm was to perform some try to start the car antics and crawl duke style out of the window. (Yes, that was a scream of another sort.) Fortunately, B saved the day and could figure out a way to permanently silence the beast. Unfortunately (we are so sorry neighbors and city!!), it could not be done without the door open which means the alarm continued for nearly an hour, without any decrease in volume I might add. But the best news of course is that after silencing it, and jump starting the battery, it is now running, sans alarm. Phew.

Have I mentioned how much I miss the Metro in Seattle? Public transport does have its benefits! Sigh.

conclusions and new starts

2010-02-28T22:04:00.006-05:00

I watched the Olympic torch go out tonight. It was a bittersweet moment.
Some are eager to get back to the 'real" NBC lineup.
For me, I love the Olympics.
Nice work, Canada: Vancouver, Whistler, and Richmond.
You will be missed.
And to all the athletes
who pursued their dreams and trained to compete,
be proud.
I am.
May the spirit of good sportsmanship,
and the heart of these interactions,
lead us on toward something better in the world.
I know I love this admonishment
from the ancient text of Hebrews:
Let us consider how we may spur one another on
toward love and good deeds.
That is another thing to pursue and train toward.
I hope we can live out that kind of love
whether or not we are in an athletic competition.

But then again, maybe not

2010-02-26T15:07:00.009-05:00

As B left for work today,
he asked me to drop off some dry cleaning.
This simple request launched a period of brain synapses
(or something) that reminded me
I never drycleaned my wedding dress.
So I grabbed it from the closet and packed it in the car.

This is all a rather mundane story
(perhaps even worthy of the dullest blog in the world material). The mundane ended, however,
when they informed me they charge $150
to dry clean and press my dress.
Seriously? How did I not know this.
Call me crazy, I was thinking more around $50. But three times that amount??
Perhaps you suspected this,
but my lovely dress found its way
back into my car
and is now happily hanging
back in the bag in the closet.
Back to the mundane...

Unless, of course, you have suggestions
on a different way to clean my dress.

Oh, one more thing, the dullest blog is really worth a read.
But the find goes to my friend Sabrina.
Thanks for the heads up, lady!

One last thing, the picture credit here is to Jewels! You should check out her work because it is fabulous.

Celebrating Winerva Joanne Van Roekel Klungel aka My Mom!!

2010-02-25T00:17:00.009-05:00

So, if my Mom was 39 when I was born,
and now I'm forty,
and today is her birthday that makes her...

amazingly young at heart. The first photo

(with Carmen, her girls, me, and Grandma, Mom's mom)
is from seven years ago

and Mom hasn't changed a bit.
God granted her incredible energy and health.
What a thing to celebrate!!
Happy, happy, happy birthday my beloved Mom.

some of our favorite things

2010-02-21T16:01:00.010-05:00

In the hope of
days to come,

In the memory of
wonderful events
of "oh-nine,"

I am celebrating
some of the things

we hosted and
some of the things

we like to do.
We love having company.

We love games.
And especially,
we love playing twister.

On bonus days,
sometimes we have guests
AND play twister.

I know,
Fun overload. :)

in the category of...oblivion and gratitude

2010-02-03T14:15:00.005-05:00

So, as I have mentioned, my husband and I live in Indiana. But I also live and work in Michigan. Yes. We sometimes choose complexity in this life, I know. Without regurgitating all the detail, some of the motivation revolved around me completing my grad school work and receiving a substantial discount through my employer, the University where I received my Master's degree. Which leads me to my weekly commute and married life where I spend my weekends with my family in Indiana, naturally!

Recently B scheduled a work trip. Although the thought of joining him in Texas in February whilst one winters (ha!) where we do in Michiana tempted me, the idea of hanging with my girlfriends in Michigan captured me more. So the plans were made...
I anticipated hanging out with my friend Beth for some long awaited time at Karla's. I scheduled time with other girlfriends for later in the weekend. It was like the anticipation of vacation, I'm telling you. I was delighted for the opportunity to have these moments with some precious friends.

And Karla's phone call did not deter me. She mentioned that she and the kids had experienced the flu. Her doctor assured her they would not be contagious after 24 hours sans-puking. And so our anticipated arrival at about 48 hours later provided us double precaution. Not to mention, anyone who knows Karla knows she keeps a very clean and tidy house so germs wouldn't have much a chance. Without hesitation I answered her question about whether I still wanted to come with a confident Yes! Who knew when the "stars would align" for me to make these plans again?

Now Beth, well, she did not have the luxury of saying, "I'll take a sick day if i get sick." Understandably, she leaves for Florida soon and needs to save up those days. So she rescheduled with Karla.

Sad, but resilient, I trekked north. And aside from missing Beth, had a blast. Karla's kids are always fun and always lively and the opportunity to talk late into the night with such a dear friend is priceless.

Phase two meant packing up and heading back to my house in Michigan where friends and my sister, Hildred, descended upon my lovely roommate, to share food, laughter, tears, and who knows what else for the rest of the weekend. We combined leftovers for a delicious meal, witty conversation, and God's inspired "communion of the saints" as we communicated about the things on our hearts and lives.

That is until my stomach began a now-familiar bout of discomfort.
And well, let's just say, by the time we all attempted to settle for sleep, the party in my stomach began and everyone else quickly hit the road.
Oh, not totally. My sister, Hildred, she took care of me. I haven't been that sick in years. Twelve, I think, if memory serves correctly.
And my Shirley friends, well, they provided the necessary nourishment and hydration that a sick "puppy" like myself would need.
They offered more than cups of cold water, although, really, cold ice chips is literally all I could stomach.

How crazy is it, to be here now, a couple days later, sipping on soup, my first "real" meal in days, with a settled stomach, actually thinking food might taste and smell good once again.
It is more than enough to say, "Oh Lord, please forgive me for taking my health for granted. Every moment of peace within the body is a gift from you. Thank you Lord."

"Oldie" but "goodie"

2009-12-22T17:29:00.002-05:00

I heard a Christmas song today that I remember from childhood.
The version I heard is of a little girl singing first, followed by a choir,
and then ending with the young girl.
It is sweet.
But mostly, the words are the desire of my heart
to reflect on this week, especially.

Maybe you'll remember it as you browse these lyrics:

Happy Birthday Jesus.
I'm so glad it's Christmas.
All the tinsel and lights,
and the presents are nice
but the real gift is you.

Happy birthday Jesus!
I'm so glad it's Christmas!
All the carols and bells
make the holiday swell
but it's all about you.

Happy birthday Jesus...Jesus I love you.
*repeat*

Happy Birthday Jesus!
I love you!

Oh Dove, why did you have to change?

2009-12-09T18:21:00.005-05:00

Nearly a year ago, I wrote a post about the messages on Dove candies.

I'm excited to report, this year Dove has a new candy
--peppermint bark with dark Dove chocolate.
They join the rank of favorite Christmas candy. Delicious. I love them.

I eagerly and carefully unwrapped my first one,
anticipating my "Dove promise" written on the inside of the foil.
I nearly choked and
spit up the chocolate (forgive me, people)
because the promises are now
Martha Stewart Holiday tips???? Really?
Here is one of the tips:
Parsnips and brussels sprouts are hearty seasonal sides. (I guess I learned it is brussels sprouts and not brussel sprouts.)

Really, Martha?
Really, Dove? That is a holiday promise I needed to know??

Some good things really don't need to change. Sigh.

I'll be back.
To share more significant things than
my feelings about Dove promises.
Really.

My Master's program final thesis
project paper is due in two days.
Two.Days.

Some of my intentions for my "post-Grad school" time?
Read a book. Any book of my choice. Because I can. Because I want to.
Ooooooh, the luxury.

Finish wedding thank yous.
Yes. You may receive yours.

And Blog.
Oh to write for something other than an assignment.

Oh, AND, download photos. I have over 1200 on my little camera. Over 600 that I have not downloaded yet.

So...life will resume. And I'll be back.

Difference of seven

2009-09-17T15:41:00.007-04:00

God never ceases to amaze me. I am not suggesting that I have God figured out. But I am continually wowed by the splendor and sweetness of the way God moves. Here is one latest story.

My husband received his walking papers from work unexpectedly on December 30, 2008. As September hit the top page of the calendar, we could not believe it was the start of the ninth month of unemployment. Perhaps like me you know several people who are unemployed. I personally spend time in two of the states that lead the nation in unemployment. It is a time unfamiliar to most of us as lately, too frequently, we watch despair and fear walk into people's homes and lives and camp out there as people wonder (and worry) about provision, food, shelter, etc. Yet, in comparison to other parts of the world, in terms of real poverty, the United States really does not compete. Despite our current economy we are a wealthy nation.

And so, we too, have participated in the gruel of searching for work. It requires energy that one may not realize. There are systems and theories and ideas for how to network and land interviews which will then secure positions. B has pursued those strategies. He secured several interviews and had great contacts. He worked and reworked his networking options. And still nothing landed. Sometimes he even had an inside edge with influential people who make recommendations. At the end of the day though, no jobs offers were extended. This hope and release, hope and despair, expectation and rejection cycle takes its toll.

One of his interviews allowed him to interact with someone whom he previously worked with. The position he was interviewing for would report to that person (let's call him Bob). In the conversation after the interview, Bob said to B, you really are not suited for this position. You would be better suited for my position. I'm actually in the running for a job elsewhere. If I secure that position, I will recommend you as my replacement.

B received this with a grain of salt, because obviously there were so many elements outside of his control, much less, so many pieces that needed to fall into place.
True to his word, Bob called the day after Labor Day to communicate he was leaving. If B would email his resume, he would put in the word to his boss.

Two days later, B was called for an interview.
One day after that, he interviewed.
Mid interview, they offered him the job.
He started the job two days later, seven days after Bob contacted him.

What a delightful provision of the Lord. We are grateful. We did not really see it coming and are rejoicing in these moments of seeing the Lord move in mysterious and marvelous ways. That is NOT to say we did not see God move in mysterious and marvelous ways during this season of unemployment. But those stories, they are for a different post.
In the meantime, stayed tuned. You never know what the next seven might surface as God works out His good and perfect plans.

Hiatus

2009-09-07T20:17:00.000-04:00

Hello blogging world.

I'm venturing back in.
It's been two months. I got married. I moved (in part). School started again a few weeks ago. Hours increased at my work.
Life.Is.Busy.

Tonight I face an hour or so more of work and then I journey home. That is, to my weekday home while I live in Michigan. Straddling the border twice weekly adds to the craziness. For tonight, however, the focus is settling into the school time routine, (along with most of the western side of Michigan as most elementary and high schools started classes today). Homework beckons. Sleep summons. Relationships hibernate. I'm grateful for the routine even if I miss regular interaction with friends, not to mention, the freedom to read something for pure pleasure or particular interest.'Tis all part of the school season.

I'm glad only 15 weeks remain--what a sweet and life-changing journey I'm on!

(Hmmm, I've been trying for days to upload a photo but keep getting an error message. I'll post for now and perhaps add a photo later.)

preparation

2009-07-07T17:31:00.003-04:00

Four days from now, the wedding event of Diana Klungel and Barkley Garrett will commence. (Woot!!!) In comparing our preparation journey to others, our engagement and wedding planning is relatively short (of course the stories of exception are out there). I hope and pray the wedding is beautiful, that God is glorified, and that people have fun.

But really, way more important than this one day, is our marriage. That is what we've been preparing for. In the "greater" event of our marriage, I hope we come to understand and experience even more fully the love of God, and that through that, we offer and extend that love even more fully to others.

So that is my hope and prayer: that beyond the fun planning of a wedding, that the greater gift of the day is how we bless and honor God through our marriage.
I hope it all brings God glory.

711 on my mind

2009-06-23T18:37:00.007-04:00

I'm getting married. And the wedding is creeping ever closer. It actually jumped into view because we changed our original plans.

Here's the scoop: I don't know how to describe this process except to say that I am not the girl who had her whole wedding planned at 13 (or 17, or 21 or...)This lack of expectations leads to freedom but it also demands a need for some rapid fire decisions. I'm a full-time graduate student who also works full time. I have 11 weeks "off" from school for summer. Our plans were to get married this very summer. August seemed about right.

That is, until we started investigating our projected date with my family. And that's when my planning hit the wall of my sister's reality. Her response to whether or not she could make the date was a profound "No!" Although, she assured me that she could watch a video.

Even though I had not pre- planned the wedding, the idea of my sister watching the video and not attending this blessed event caused me to cry. Oh, and her excuse, did I mention, is completely legitimate. She is pregnant and at that time it would be too high risk for her to travel.

Needless to say, we scrambled around for a different option. And because of some other travel commitments and other factors along the way, we arrived a month sooner with a new date of July 11.

So yes, much planning ensues. Most of the essentials are planned and well in view for which I'm extremely grateful. Phew!

Truthfully, even though six weeks seems pretty hectic to plan an event, I don't know if I would have wanted it much longer. Today marks 18 days. 18 days!!!

Given that reality, even though I have stories galore within my head and ponderings on my heart, I probably will be silent a few more weeks. Check back if you care!!

Photo credit: Hildred...and yes, that is a napkin ring!! :)

credit

2009-05-13T16:24:00.002-04:00

This is my third annual interview day--a long day at work. We conduct interviews for prospective students in our Master's of Arts in Counseling program. They enter the office waiting area usually a bit nervous, unsure of what to expect. We ask them to arrive early to handle any outstanding paperwork. Waiting manifests either as a gift to slow down, collect one's self and pray, or it can increase agitation and anxiety. It is our desire to offer God's peace to those who enter this place.

We also serve those who conduct the interviews. They arrive early from our main campus a few hours away. Our "tradition" is to provide some sustenance in terms of food and drink so we order a light spread from Panera including bagels and egg souffles, some fruit. We provide water and coffee if they wish. We want them to experience God's peace as well.

Today I picked up the food items and as I set them out, I realized I did not receive my entire order. It was not a huge deal, as it was just a few bagels, but I called to let them know. Immediately they connected me to the manager who proceeded to apologize and respond with options for how they could take care of us.
Let me tell you, they went above and beyond as they not only delivered the items that were missing, they also delivered additional bagels and coffee. They earned my respect as a customer to ensure that I would continue to patronize their business. That signals great customer service.

Here's what I wonder...
what would happen if this were more personal? Let's say a friend of mine promised something, but it didn't happen. Or, how about considering our relationship with God. What happens when we don't follow thru on a promise to God? Certainly we don't look at God as a customer that we need to "win" back. But if trust is broken, how are repairs made? When someone lets you down, how do you work to reestablish trust and rebuild a relationship? Ultimately I wonder, how do we practice forgiveness in such a way that reconciliation becomes part of our natural rhythm of life?
I know this, it's much easier for me to take the coffee, eat a bagel, and consider things "good" with Panera. Somehow God extends that grace to us. But how do we receive that, and live it by dispensing it in our relationships with others?

garage incident gratitude

2009-05-11T17:13:00.003-04:00

Here I was, backing out of B's garage for a baseball game.
When, well, I noticed things flying.

On the side of the garage where I had parked rests a stack of shingles. And on top of that stack is a pile of wire and plastic grid-like sheets. The kind that when you put them all together, you can make a bunch of cube shelving pieces. Anyway, the things that were flying were these grid-like sheets of wire and plastic. Apparently I turned too sharply and they caught on my bumper.

My entire bumper except a piece or two on the driver's side was hanging off my car. I was so groaning, and so calculating the repair bill into the thousands. Again. Previous body work on my car when my car transformed into the driver less, horseless carriage (some may recall when my car rolled down a hill across a business driveway/intersection, halted abruptly and not-so-gently by a guardrail which stopped it from rolling into a gas station, all because I forgot to put on my emergency break when I met my boss for coffee at a local coffee shop), maxed at around $4k! $4k--for a driver less collision. (This was pre-blogging, apparently, as I searched for the story now and can't find it. Circa November 2005.)
Money spent on the same very bumper that now was dangling like a child's loose tooth, the major difference being I didn't want someone to yank the bumper to unattach it like a kid might want someone to do with their loose tooth.

My one regret in telling you all of this is that I did not take before and after photos. But this very morning, my love B, removed what was left dangling, took every loose piece apart, and reattached the bumper to my now happy Honda Civic coupe. If I hadn't revealed this garage incident to you just now, and you saw my sweet little ride cruising down the road, you wouldn't know.
That's how good it looks.
And that's how good B is.
Yep. I'm all shades of grateful!!

breaking up is hard to do

2009-04-28T16:35:00.004-04:00

Not to be pessimistic, but it was probably the last time for such an occasion.
It's not that it's over, but really,
It IS over, in the way we knew it.

We met at His Mansion Ministries in the mid and late 90's. We all happened to locate (returning from some) in West Michigan. Hoping to hold on to some of the accountability and community strong practices from the Mansion, we committed to meet weekly. And we did. For breakfast. At 6:00 or 6:30a every week.
That is, until things started to dissolve. K & K got married and moved to Minnesota to complete their undergrad degrees. Our circle was broken. The breakfast meetings discontinued.
But then, K & K moved back.

Their journey of having kids--beautiful quads who arrived early--enveloped all of us as we visited in the hospital and then at their home. We started meeting Monday nights for our "small group" of dinner and conversation. Those nights expanded to include other "mansionites" as John was around, Teresa, Darrell, Rachel, and even Stephanie would occasionally join us. It was a sweet place of grounding, fellowship, and intentionally sharing our lives together. Mind you, it wasn't intimate spiritual conversations at all times. I remember one night where we programmed individual ring tones on our phones. Deep stuff. :) But the regularity and intentionality of meeting together in this space did continue to shape and form bonds between us and allow us to see how God was working in each other's lives. For this I am extremely grateful.

But then K & K moved again, and the group dissolved.

These seasons of friendship and community are such a gift. The above photo marks the "original" group as we met recently to celebrate a transition for Bonnie. She's moving...
and I'm happy for her to return to Colorado. But I will dearly miss this beloved friend. You are always welcome back, BB!! I'm so glad for the chance to have journeyed with you in this way.

I spy...

2009-04-21T17:13:00.008-04:00

Nancy Drew rarely enters my mind. Until recently when my sister asked me what Nancy Drew character I used to portray. (I love that her daughter, my niece Kate is reading Nancy Drew like crazy. The great mysteries continue!)

We "played" Nancy Drew constantly. We solved all sorts of imaginative mysteries as Nancy Drew. It was my sister, Carmen, myself, and our friend Christine, mostly. Sometimes Christine was given the boot when our neighbor's niece, Tiffany, was in town. (Tiffany might have landed in the "bossy-pushy" category.)We figure Carmen was Nancy, Christine was Jo, and I was Bess.
But really, we don't remember too much specifically about what character we played.
I do remember the schemes and the seeming hours of running, hiding, discovering, and sleuthing all through the neighborhood. We were good.

This spurred on several others mystery type loves in my life. Of course, the Hardy Boys was a natural next step, not to mention Remington Steele, and Moonlighting. (Does anyone remember Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepherd in Moonlighting?) I loved those dramas.

I navigated toward similar reading--Tom Clancy, Robert Ludlum, and the like. I loved James Bond and the Bourne movies, just to name a few.
And then, there came Alias.
A bit of me wanted to be Sydney Bristol, I confess. *Sigh*

I say all of that to say that a spy's life would not suit the needs of my heart and spirit, but everyone once in a while, I still imagine a romantic view of such an occupation.

Any other "wanna be's" out there?

Poverty redefined

2009-04-19T16:25:00.004-04:00

Tims are tough. We know that. The unemployment rate is discussed at least once a day if not more frequently. Budgets require tightening. Lifestyles as we've come to know them in the western world, in particular, are changing and in some cases dramatically.
Times are tough, but do we really know poor? Do we really know sacrifice?
Are we really aware of the richness and absolute wealth that we've become so accustomed to?

This "guest post" from a friend of mine causes me to rethink what I know and consider a different perspective. See what you think.

NO ROOM IN THE INN

A Reflection

On Sunday morning before church, I got a call about a baby: a girl, seven months old, young mother, very poor, unable to care for the baby . . . “Can you help?” I agreed to meet with the persons involved today, Tuesday.The baby was brought in from her remote, mountain home. I sat down in a middle-class living room here in the city with the mother, the baby, the mother’s employer and her two children, the mother’s employer’s sister and mother, and two of my teenagers.

The mother of the baby is twenty-two years old, and she works as a house servant in the home of two young professionals and their two children. They pay her one hundred dollars per month, which is less than half the legal minimum wage in Honduras. She is a live-in maid, and is given two days off every fifteen days to go home and see her siblings and baby, who live several hours away. Both of this young woman’s parents are dead. In a household of eight, she is the only one with employment. Everyone depends upon her $100/month for food and education. For her family, her pregnancy meant another hungry child, and for her employer, it was an unwelcome intrusion.

I had been called by the employer’s mother, whom I have known for many years. On the phone, she described the baby as being in desperate straits, and the mother eager to have someone care for her. In reality, I saw a young woman who dearly wanted to care for her baby, but without a single voice in her favor. Her employer had just miscarried. I asked this woman, “Can’t you take care of the baby here?” It seemed like the logical, merciful solution. The mother could keep her little girl and continue working.

“Oh, no!” this young woman replied. “My husband would never agree to that. And besides, we don’t have enough room.” I thought of the closed doors in Bethlehem the night Jesus was born. I thought of the miscarried baby who certainly would have had a special place prepared in this same home for his/her arrival.

But not this child. This child was a problem, an obstacle which needed to be removed. They would do “the right thing.” They would call Suzy, and she would make the problem go away. Their servant could get back to work, and they could get on with their lives.

I took the baby, because no child should grow up where he or she is not wanted. The mother wept. The woman who called me held her and said all would be well. And I’m sitting up, thinking about a world in which there is often, even today, no room in the inn.

"Give me the presence or I die!"

2009-04-15T23:45:00.006-04:00

Last weekend at the retreat center, the room I stayed in was called "Beth-el" -the dwelling of God.

As I read and prayed and slept in that room, I felt the blessing of God's presence melting my crust, drawing out the core of what is true about me, that I am God's beloved daughter. So much else in life tries to define my identity. But that piece, my core role as God's beloved is true no matter what.

In addition to a welcome space to rest, my room had some great resources to help guide my retreat time. One of them was the following passage which completely resonated with my heart and my desperation for retreating.

Let me know you think!

There is a practice of the presence of God
which is done on the run in the busiest of days,
in office, and schoolroom and kitchen.
Little prayers and communion;
ejaculations of surrender & joy and exaltation;
if it didn't sound silly to say it,
little snugglings of our soul moving nearer to God.
Most of our lives can be lived this way,
as divine conversation of our soul with God,
going on behind the scenes all the time.

But then come crucial periods in life
when the quest grows hot,
when the hot breath of the Hound of Heaven is at our heels,
when the heart cries out,
"Give me the Presence or I die!"

And these are the times when we get
beneath the conventional mildness of average religiosity
and find Him more fully, who is dearer than life itself.
From these women and mean will come the profound return to religion,
ie, the love of God and neighbor,
which is so desperately needed."

-Thomas Kelly The Eternal Promise (1938)

It's time

2009-04-09T17:54:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure how to explain how ridiculous this is. But I realized, my margins had expired. I needed space. Me, the off the charts extrovert, needs space away. The trigger that signaled the ridiculous? I had an exchange with one of our beloved faculty here in GR and felt personally slammed because she criticized the candy options in my candy jar. Yes. How that seemed so personal, I can't begin to explain. I realize, it sounds and IS ridiculous.

And so, for that, and other reasons, I'm retreating.
Just writing the word slows the exhale.

I know that my blog writing may seem to indicate that I've been retreating frequently. But it's much the opposite. Life, work, everything has been quite crazy.

Some might know that B's Mom died unexpectedly a little over a week ago. So I accompanied him on the trip to and from family for the funeral. It was long. It had moments of much tension. It also was a place of laughter and release. I wouldn't trade the experience, but the time was not what I "planned." Unavoidably, it "bled" into other schedules including work and school. And so, my soul is aching for alone time with Jesus.

I'm excited to unplug.

Blessed Easter to you!

lessons learned

2009-03-13T08:20:00.002-04:00

It goes without saying that it was NOT the reaction I hoped for. If I've relayed this story before, please forgive me.

Here is the scenario: it was a gym class day and I had forgotten my tennis shoes. You know the rule. Have a pair of shoes specifically kept to wear inside a gym, not worn in the street, in order to protect the gym floor's surface. I felt confident that it didn't matter that I had forgotten my shoes.
Although my situation appeared grave on the surface, I had an ace in the hole.

he he he.
I confidently dashed away from the elementary school area and ventured into the high school, boldly going where few students had gone before, and even fewer students live to talk about (ok, yes, mild exaggeration), I stepped into the teacher's lounge, scaled the crowd of mingling teachers and called out, "Mom?"
It was quite a disappointment, after all that, to retreat to my gym class, already in progress, and report that "yes, I had found my Mother," but, "No, she was not going to go home to retrieve my gym shoes and bring them to school for my use."
My forgetfulness demanded that I suffer the consequences. My mom did not bail me out.

Needless to say, I don't think I ever forgot my gym shoes again.
'Twas a good lesson, Mom. Thanks for your tough love!

alignment

2009-03-11T09:15:00.003-04:00

This was the prayer of "my" Lenten devotional for today. I hope it ministers to you and blesses God!

Father, you are all around and in me, walking in
my garden, shining in the sun, singing in the birds,
behind the face of every man and woman I meet,
and lying down with me at night.

Jesus, you are all around and in me, walking in my
garden, shining in the sun, singing in the birds,
behind the face of every man and woman I meet,
and lying down with me at night.

Holy Spirit, you are all around and in me, walking
in my garden, shining in the sun, singing in the
birds, behind the face of every man and woman I
meet, and lying down with me at night.

I will rejoice and walk with You by my tree of
temptations to reach the life You prepared for me
today. I will rejoice and walk with You today and
offer all my deeds as I try to care for your gifts and
calling.

I will rejoice and walk with You today until I rest in
Your peace tonight.

Credit: Szabolcs Kerekes serves with CRM-Hungary and works with church planters and pastors. He recently authored a book called Matrix Conversations about journeying toward Christ with those in the post-modern generation. Szabolcs, his wife, Erika, and their children, Anna, Julia, and David, live in Hungary.

don't let it happen again

2009-03-07T12:26:00.003-05:00

I remember watching Hotel Rwanda several years ago and then "meeting" the main character at a January series at Calvin College. The movie and the story, and particularly the Western world's seeming paralysis disturbs me still.
We have no excuse to stay uninformed about the travesties in this world.
There is a current crisis in Darfur.
A friend sent me the link to this website with a message urging me to send an urgent message to Secretary of State Clinton.

Please, browse the website, check sources, become informed about the issues, pray fervently, and take action. You can make a difference.

raining down gently

2009-03-05T21:29:00.007-05:00

One of my classmates (dear Suzy pictured below in blue on the right) posted this today. It seems appropriate that more people should be privy to this story. Let me know what you think.

This excerpt is from A Promise Kept: The Story of An Unforgettable Love, by Dr. Robertson McQuilkin, who stepped down as President of Columbia International University in order to care for his wife, who was suffering from Alzheimers Disease:

“Twenty-two years is a long time. But then again, it can be shorter than one anticipates. And how do you say good-bye to friends you do not wish to leave?

The decision to come to Columbia was the most difficult I have had to make; the decision to leave 22 years later, though painful, was one of the easiest. It was almost as if God engineered the circumstances so that I had no alternatives. Let me explain:

My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about 12 years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibility at Columbia. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just ‘discontent.’ She is filled with fear – even terror – that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time.

Perhaps it would help you understand if I shared with you what I shared in chapel at the time of the announcement of my resignation. The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel ‘in sickness and in health . . . till death do us part.’ So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of her debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more: I love Muriel. She is a delight to me – her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I don’t have to care for her. I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.” (21-22)

Here is what Dr. McQuilkin says about memories:

“Memories help too. Muriel stocked the cupboard of my mind with the best of them. I often live again a special moment of love she planned so creatively or laugh at some remembered outburst of her irrepressible approach to life. Sometimes the happy doesn’t bubble up with joy, but rains down gently with tears. When Joy Gresham reminded C. S. Lewis that their joy would soon end, that she would die, he replied that he didn’t want to think about that. Joy responded, ‘The pain is part of the happiness. That’s the deal.’ In the summer of ’95 Muriel’s right hand went limp – the first major decline since she lost the ability to stand to feed herself eighteen months before. A little loss, you would think, but I shed a few tears. It’s almost like part of me dies with each of her little deaths. That precious hand, so creative, so loving, so busy for me and everyone else. But it wasn’t just the old memories. That right hand was the last way she had to communicate. She would reach out to hold hands, pat me on the back when I hugged her, push me away when she didn’t like what I was doing. I missed her hand. Memories, sweet and bittersweet. (63-64)

we belong

2009-03-04T16:40:00.007-05:00

After college, I didn't really know "what I wanted to be when I grew up" but I wanted to form an identity outside of my family. My family is great. I love them and am increasingly grateful for the gift of where I "landed" and who I landed beside family-wise. But I was the youngest of four girls. That always defined part of my identity and I longed for something additional.

So, as ironies go, I moved in with two friends from college, who happened to be sisters, who were moving into a four bedroom house that their oldest sister rented. I didn't venture too far from the familiar it seems. It was a great experience though. I loved living at 25 Cherry Street with these women.

One of the beautiful things about Holland Michigan is that families settle there (take aforementioned roommates for instance). In my church home there, I kept discovering more people who were related to someone else. It truly amazed me. They were lovely friendly people.

But none of them needed me. Because they had their families.

Now, at the expense of sounding needy, I hope you know what I mean. They were friendly and kind and nice. But they did not need me for friendship or social activities, or even too much conversation, really, because of the blessing of their familial and extended family relationships.

My closest friends in that community were people who had moved away and returned to the area, or who were "transplants" like me. Through the years though, Western Michigan became home. The family I have experienced here is rich and full. I am really grateful.

I say all of that to say, one of my sisters came to town this weekend (see photo). And I loved that. For a few moments I had family here (oh to be like everyone else). I am still basking in the beauty of her presence and our conversations. I am glad we can "just be" and share our hearts. I am glad I belong to her and she to me!

belonging

2009-03-03T07:36:00.002-05:00

In conversation with some friends the other day, we were talking about high schoolers on the fringes. You know, the ones that have been rejected by others, or have chosen to stay "outside" of certain circles for various reasons. Sometimes it is those on the fringes that become friends with others on the fringes. Jesus certainly seemed to hang with "fringe" friends.

At the end of the day, we all want to belong.
We like to link ourselves to people, things, circumstances, events, positions, etc.
And it's not a bad thing. God calls us to community and invites us to belong to him.
That is our primary place to belong. We are God's beloved and we belong to him.
I like that.

These great folks "belonged to me" or I to them in a formal way when we worked together. I celebrate the gift of belonging to them and together belonging to God.

So I'm wondering, might there be anyone on the fringes around us that could use an invitation to belong?

Oh..and, Happy Birthday to Cathy and Kyle!

rescue

2009-01-27T22:16:00.002-05:00

Good people still come to the rescue of those in need. This won't make the 11 pm news. In fact, it won't make any newscast. But I think it's worth the mention that there are people who make choices to help others.
and yes, I just happen to have a personal story to share.

Today was a glorious day in West Michigan. The sunrise and cloud brushed sky scape of early morning hinted at the beauty of the day.
On days like this, people like me, who can ignore the salty, snowy, windshield wiper fluid stained "crud" of winter driving on cloudy days, often acknowledge that perhaps it is worth exploring if indeed a car exists under all the layers of grime. And such exploration can happen with a simple car wash.
Ah, the beauty!
And so, I drove through the brushes and sprays of the automatic car wash.
I could almost hear my car's gratitude whilst layers of winter molted and melted away.

One sits higher in a salt-free car on a sunny day. I confess, and suspect I'm not alone, that when I've just had my car washed, I appear snobby to the salt-infested car "neighbors" near me. I mean, I don't want to drive too close, or pull up too near, for fear that some of their salty debris might migrate onto my like new finish. Time to practice those safe distances I learned in driver's training. (Okay, maybe you don't care THAT much.)

I parked my car with pride next to the sporty, yet, might I mention, salty, grimy Mercedes in the parking lot.
Puff.
Puff.
Puff.
(That's my pride, btw, I haven't taken to smoking or anything!)

So, imagine returning to my car, at oh, 9:30 tonight, and discovering that the very object of my pride, the sparkling clean machine, fails to unlock, due to the aforementioned car wash.

That's where the real heroes of the story emerge: Tony and Joe, our "night crew" at the building I work at. Yes, they braved the cold, found the deicer (sp?), and persisted in turning my key, even when I declared defeat and suggested we crawl through my trunk (my bursting-with-camping-supplies-even-though-it's-winter trunk). They really saved the day. And allowed me the luxury of getting home, here, to my cozy house, to write this silly tale of my pride, and their generous assistance.

famous people etiquette

2009-01-24T13:38:00.003-05:00

So, you know that way when people of importance or some fame come along and people clamor for their attention, take photos, request autographs, etc.? I'm a little outside of that. I mean that I may not care as much about such things as the next person.
Whatever.

But last week, I confess, I really did kinda want a photo with Shane Claiborne, but mostly for the "hey, look at me with Shane Claiborne" sort of shtick which really, well, I don't need to indulge any more narcissistic tendencies.
My classmate and cohort member Linda, now she was much more noble than I. She asked Shane for a note to take along to her daughter's good friend who really, really, really admires Shane.
Thus, instead of a photo with Shane, I settled for a photo of his note. I thought it was great. Especially his phrase practicing the resurrection with divine defiance. I like that.

How about it? Shall we together pursue
practicing the resurrection with divine defiance? What does that mean for today?

favorite bit

2009-01-21T16:33:00.002-05:00

Tuesday's Inauguration of our 44th president marked something significant. I know the conversation swirls about President Obama being bi-racial, therefore not black. But perhaps we can agree about this: he is a person of color. That is a first for our country. And personally, in the ceremony, as I listened on the radio, I found the benediction by Rev Lowery to be a highlight.

Here's some of his language as reported on a USA Today blog:

"Rev. Joseph Lowery, a civil rights icon and a pastor known to speak his mind to power, opened his benediction with the first words of the "Negro National Anthem," Lift Every Voice and Sing,

God of our weary years,
God of our silent tears ...

Lowery implored God to help Americans make "choices on the side of love, not hate, on the side of inclusion not exclusion, tolerance not intolerance."

He updated the famous passages from Isaiah, suggesting humanity "beat tanks into tractors." He called for a time, quoting Micah 4:4, when every man shall sit beneath his vine and fig tree and live in peace and unafraid, Amos 5:24, "Let justice roll down like waters."

Lowery also brought a smile to the president with a recitation he's used before, asking God to

... help us work for that day when black will not be asked to give back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when white will embrace what is right."

He concluded,

Let all who do justice and love mercy say amen and say amen."

- from Cathy Lynn Grossman of the USA Today

I googled the remarks because I was interested in reading what I heard.
What I did not predict, is that people would be upset about these remarks.

Am I missing something? Are his comments something that need to divide us? Or can we find an invitation within those words to live differently?

Lord have mercy on us, really, so that we would not allow the enemy to win battles that cause us to be at odds with one another. Another great leader prayed once, "Lord, let them be one, as the Father and son are one."

Photo credit: by Ron Edmonds/AP: The Rev. Joseph E. Lowery gives the benediction at the end of the swearing-in ceremony at the U.S. Capitol in Washington

things the media doesn't tell me (us)

2009-01-19T10:02:00.004-05:00

I first "met" Tony Campolo way back when in college. Maybe you have experienced Tony's evangelistic heart in a college setting. He definitely is among those who "spur others on toward love and good deeds." I remember praying about whether I should attend "mission year" in Philadelphia, or how I could interact with Tony's ministry.

It has been interesting to read about Tony through the years. He is often described as a left wing, off the charts, outspoken evangelical, among other, not very pleasant titles. He was criticized for giving council to our former US president, Bill Clinton. Honestly, within most "evangelical" circles, he doesn't get much "good" press. That in itself is a post I can't take on today.

But I must say this. Tony dearly loves Jesus. And he loves the church as God called the church to be. AND he loves America, even if he doesn't appreciate all the policies and actions of the country. I appreciated the opportunity to hear his heart and hang out with him last week. Despite what is reported, despite the ways things are reported in an effort to divide leaders and the church, he is a red-letter Christian. I may not agree with everything about this dear man, but I believe his heart and his motivation.

Health update: I didn't get the med center in Philly for a variety of reasons. I have it slated as a tomorrow activity when I get back to GR as I'm still dealing with this low grade stomach (abdomen?) pain. Thanks for your prayers and well wishes!

wondering

2009-01-17T07:43:00.004-05:00

Last Friday night, the night before I was leaving for Philly, I nearly didn't sleep. I felt so completely sick in my stomach. As a result, i almost didn't go to Philly. But my Mom always taught me to get up and take a shower, even when u feel sick, and see if that helped. I felt a wee bit better so I came. (Hooray!)
However, I'm not right.
It's the oddest thing.
I won't give you all the details, but it's been a week now and my stomach is not right.
I'm engaging in class and life here but not to the fullest.
I'm not eating "normally" for fear that certain things will trigger something.

So last very night, on the phone with B, he walks through my symptoms on some website (aren't we so glad we can self-diagnose these days?) and wonders with me if I might be having an attack related to my appendix.
I groaned b/c I really don't want appendicitis, of course, nor to be treated away from home.
But I'm not better. (Incidentally, has anyone out there had an appendix "flare up" in any way? Please convey your story!)

So...I'm off to shower (thanks Mom!) and see what the day holds.
Maybe a trip to a med center?

Prayers are most welcome if you're speaking to Papa today.

I think I "get it"

2009-01-15T22:51:00.004-05:00

Here's the thing I've been pondering. It's actually something that I've considered previously especially during the recent presidential election.
I really dislike arguing with people about certain issues and certain things.

Today something Tony said really made sense to me.
He was talking about how he and his wife view the idea of homosexual or gay marriage differently. His wife favors it and he greatly opposes it.
So folks ask them how their marriage survives this issue.
And he said, "it is very simple."

I expected his response to be that they simply don't talk about it.
But that is quite opposite of the truth.
In fact, they go around the country "debating" each other.
They frequently face this topic. And they know each other's position and argument pretty well.

Instead, Tony said this, "we survive because we both entertain the idea that we can be wrong. Need to entertain the possibility that you are wrong, otherwise there is no discussion. You just try to overpower the other person with your argument."

That is what struck the cord.
I don't like discussions where there doesn't seem to be any freedom to disagree with another person. Certainly I've also been in the position where I'm trying to "overpower" another perosn with my argument. That isn't fun.

But to discuss things without a sense of judgment or disrespect, now that is conversation I would value.

Can you relate to this?

I obviously do. And I'm hopeful!

Radicals

2009-01-15T00:16:00.003-05:00

We're sitting at the feet of Tony Campolo and Shane Claiborne this very week here in Philly. It's unsettling in the best way.

Here are a few challenges Shane tossed our way tonight:

How can we worship a homeless man on Sunday and ignore one on Monday?

Stop complaining about the church we experienced and start living the church we’ve been dreaming of.

Are we willing to take the worst pair of shoes and deform our feet? (In reference to working with Mother Teresa who did that very thing so that she did not have better shoes than anyone else around her.)

Don’t give your worst clothes to charity. Give the things we think we can’t live without.

The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away.

And that folks, well,
those comments and much much MUCH more are giving me much pause.

How we live....how we view and interact with the poor
...how we treat creation...how we love...just to name a few,

these are the things God looks at. How are things looking for you and me?

things we see differently

2009-01-11T09:29:00.003-05:00

So the other night B and I were talking and the conversation went a bit like this:
Me: "B, so you know how different we are?"
B: hesitating, wondering what direction I'm going with this..."you mean, different like..."
Me: knowing he needed me to bail him out, "I mean in the way we think and process information and sometimes how we relate to people..."
B: "oh," very obviously relieved, "yes, that way..."
Me: "well, I was wondering if I could share some of YOUR life with some of "my" people."

He knew what I was talking about, of course.
Our conversation continued because what he is going through presently, is something I have gone through. And so, part of my motivation and heart, was to communicate, "B, I long for you to have the support and love that I experienced."
And he agreed.
He expressed that even though we ARE so very different, he would be willing to be a bit more, let's say, vulnerable, for lack of a better word, and open himself up to a broader community for his current circumstance.

How is THAT for vague and how is THAT for expectation?

Let me fill in the detail.
December 30 Barkley's bosses did his review and said,
"we're not going to beat around the bush. Numbers don't warrant as many people as we have in your office. We're going to let you go."
That's it.
No discussion.

And so, without any delay, Barkley joined the many many many unemployed folks in the area. It's not necessarily a group one wants to join. But there it is.

In fact, it is brutal and terrifying.
Life is so not within our control.

And God says, "find your rest in me. Trust me."

B has responsibilities and commitments in the area that he really can't relocate. And so that in some ways, that narrows down the search for a job which is helpful.
It also fuels the fear.

Again, God says one thing. Our hearts sometimes surface something else.

Would you, as God leads, please talk to God about this for B?

Thanks...
oh, in other news, I'm in Philadelphia for my class. My online Master's program has a once a year face-to-face requirement where we sit at the feet of really fabulous teachers and speakers. That is a bonus. AND we get to see our dear classmates who we interact with "in the box" from week to week. It is a great and exhausting 10 days.

Oh, AND, it's my last one. Even though I have one year left of school, this is my last J-term (January intensive seminar). And so, even though I'm happy to be here, I'm also realizing that this may be the very last time I see some of my classmates (especially the one in Tanzania, Honduras, England, etc.). It's the reality of the seasons of our lives but it's still hard.
Happy. Sad.
Becoming acquainted. Letting go.
Sharing life deeply, daily will transfer to perhaps facebook interactions with occasional Christmas card greetings. (I'm grateful for the electronic connection, don't get me wrong. But it's not the same...)

So is the journey.

Thanks for walking with me.

currents

2009-01-06T09:04:00.004-05:00

I'm not together right now. Too much going on in my heart and head, I suspect. In the gift of the holidays, I took time away to spend with family and friends and loved the break. It is not without cost, however.
I decided despite having books to read for class and a paper to write this week before my face-to-face "residency" starting Sunday in Philadelphia, I wanted a break from books, writing, classwork, etc. What a treat to feel free to be present to people and experiences over Christmas and New Year's! I received my reward. Now I must pay! The cost is that this week the reading and hopefully writing must ensue.

And that is unsettling. The reading lingers and slowly sinks deep into my heart and spirit. I can't escape the challenges. It is a constant invitation to reflect, consider and live differently. I want to be faithful. Yet what I'm reading asks for much sacrifice. I'm not sure I'm up to the task. Actually, more honestly, I don't know how willing I am.

So here are some things to consider, in my attempt to extend the invitation (b/c you know I hate doing things alone!):

"The church as we know it is a tragically dysfunctional family
in which some children are starving while others have food stashed in their closets."

"One of the most radical things we do is
love the people we live with,
day after day,
mistake after mistake."

"God is not glorified when we try to live together as perfect people...
Jesus was glorified when he loved the one who would hurt him...
we are glorified, that God may be glorified,
when we keep loving one another, even after we hurt one another."

"God is glorified when we keep doing the dirty work,
even for people who treat us dirty."

God is calling us to live differently.
This means laying down expectations.
This demands grace (receiving AND dispensing).
This requires love, love, and more love.

Living for God's glory is not an easy task. Everything in us and around us wars for our attention and energy and resources. We are seduced into thinking if we help ourselves, if we consume more, if we have the latest whatever, if we look a certain way then...

God calls forth such a different picture.

Here 2009 begins. We have these days, these "new" moments to live into our calling and identity of children, beloved children, of God.

How will we live?
Can we love better this new year?
Can we serve more graciously?
Can we live more simply?
Can we pray more earnestly?
Will you help me on that journey?
Can we, will we, help each other?

Quotes from Becoming an answer to our prayers by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove.

Words to live buy

2008-12-17T08:11:00.006-05:00

These are a few images keeping me company this week.

As we walk through advent, keeping our eyes open for the Savior,
we are bombarded with images and messages
telling us we need other things to save us.
Or that things alone are something that people need.
We fill holes with possessions.
And so, these phrases are messages
from an unlikely source--chocolate.
Yet they ring the truth of things we know from sacred scriptures.
The greatest of these is love, for instance,
points us toward perfect love,
not the love of possessions,
or a possessive kind of love.

Being present to one another,
instead of racing around to purchase presents,
may be a greater gift than we realize.

Offering joy and peace through a smile
may be the best thing to pass along as you walk
through a crowd of people in a shopping area.

See what you think about what they are declaring.

Wonder if this blogger will ever post again

2008-12-15T15:08:00.004-05:00

And with that, she does.

It's my last week of school for this year!!!
It's been the toughest (and best) class of my spiritual formation graduate program.
IF I finish this week :), I will have one year left. Wow.
The journey with my online cohort has been fantastic.

But, it's Advent. A time of waiting.

So, I'm waiting.
Waiting to post.

I have many ideas brewing in my very head, clamoring for blog space. (Okay, so they're not that human. Not at all human, really.)

But after this week's synthesis paper, likely.
Please stay tuned.

Blessings on your advent journey.
May you find the presence of the Savior as you seek after Him.

morning delights

2008-12-05T09:54:00.011-05:00

I can't really offer the full view

but it is a glorious

snow laden
tree hugging

winter wonderland

morning.
All that, AND
as Jordan and I were walking back to my house,
we noticed a car, with lights on,
in the middle of the street.
Would you believe, the owner had opened his garage
to warm up the car
and it slipped out of the garage,
down the driveway,
and landed,
snuggly,
across the street below?

sadly, my camera battery was dead so no photo.
you'll have to take my word for it.

anniversary

2008-12-02T15:45:00.007-05:00

Brewing a post in my mind happens frequently.
And this one, well, it has been stirring about, popping to the surface, disappearing, and emerging again, for days.

Yesterday marked a two year anniversary. Two years ago yesterday, I returned from the Thanksgiving day holiday and showed up at the office to work. I'll never forget it because oddly, my laptop was gone. I always took my laptop with me on jaunts out of the office, but in this case, because in August of that year I had purchased my own laptop, and because the Thanksgiving holiday trip to Fargo was NOT work related, I left my work laptop in my office. And so it was missing.
Strange that.

I was reflecting on it this morning, with my friend and former coworker. It was determined that the computer was stolen. Yet, nothing else was missing. But well, it really didn't matter due to the other events of the day.

Later that day our executive director called me into his office.
My team was aware of these meetings, somewhat. We were expecting to be repositioned, possibly (likely) having to relocate.
We knew our team was being disbanded.
We knew our team leader was offered a different position and that his current position was being eliminated.
So, it was with much surprise that I walked out of the ed's office having just been informed that no, I was not being positioned on a different team, having to relocate. I was told that my services were no longer needed.

For anyone who may have experienced this moment of being "let go" "fired" "downsized" or whatever the descriptor, you know it is a surreal moment. But here I am, looking back, two years later.

I am glad.
The way it happened sucked (please forgive my language).
It could have been handled differently.

I am more thankful for life and experiences now than while I worked there.
My life has more life now than when I worked there.
I feel more free to be and to live and to journey with Jesus and with others.
My view of work has changed dramatically.
I would NOT have had opportunity to date and share my life with B if I were still working that frantic pace.
My life including attending school full time would have worn me out. Completely.
Just to name a few things.

I am not saying the ends justify the means. But, I feel rescued and restored.
It is good to be elsewhere, free.

Thank you Lord, for vision beyond what I can imagine! You know what you are doing. Bless you!

awareness

2008-11-26T09:09:00.009-05:00

Monday morning's commute to work was the first in snowy conditions for the season. At one point, just as I passed a large truck, I came to a changing-to-red traffic signal. As I braked, I realized I couldn't stop. And that is when I noticed the driver stopped at the light.
As I continued through the very red light, he simply waited. He did not inch forward into the intersection. Thankfully, he was aware that I was unable to stop and he waited to go forward.

I am NOT that driver.
Traffic signals hinder my progress (at least, red ones do) thus if I'm not racing through them, I'm strategically attempting to hit them without stopping, or, if stopped, I'm subconsciously getting ready to race any other driver out of the "blocks" to get going down the street. And this is characteristic of me whether or NOT I'm late. I drive in racing mode and often grumble if someone else (heaven forbid) causes me delay.
It is pathetic.
That awareness and the patience of the other driver equaled mercy for me.

In my current class, we are reminded that over 2000 verses in scripture point toward God's preference for the poor. God, the King of awareness, draws near to the broken hearted, and is completely in tune with the needs and struggles of the poor, the widowed, the orphaned, the oppressed.

Am I?

I can't help but consider my awareness for this treasured part of God's heart in the season of Thanksgiving and Advent.
I grumble about a driver who might delay my progress.
In Deuteronomy, God "grumbles" about our lack of awareness to the things He cares about deeply.
Give freely and spontaneously. Don't have a stingy heart. The way you handle matters like this triggers God, your God's, blessing in everything you do, all your work and ventures. There are always going to be poor and needy people among you. So I command you: Always be generous, open purse and hands, give to your neighbors in trouble, your poor and hurting neighbors.

I am thankful for many many things. God gives abundance.
But He desires abundance for all.

Lord, have mercy. Open our hearts to your heart.

farewells

2008-11-21T12:36:00.004-05:00

You may have noticed, I've been absent.
Quiet, really.

The past two Monday mornings, on the way to work, I've received phone calls from close friends who have lost a family member to death.
It makes me nervous for this coming Monday.

More than that, though, really, it makes me consider life.
So much of what we know as pleasure and beauty may not compare to what is to come.
I don't know.
I do know, that when these losses occurred, when these "healthy" people were unexpectedly snatched from this life, without warning or foreknowledge, parts of their world, and unconsciously, parts of our world, stopped.
Life ceased.

Words cannot ease these losses.
Even the comfort of knowing these two lives were people in close and intimate connection with Jesus Christ does not ease the loss.

In fact, knowledge, reason, logic, these don't really fit with loss.
Loss like this creeps it's way into life uninvited. Yet, it is a frequent visitor.
Emotion also plays into this time. Sometimes vast amounts of it. Sometimes not even a drop, yet it lingers below the surface. Regardless, we are left to process and grieve. We are faced with memories, joys, sometimes even regret.
And ultimately, we are left to the Creator and Giver of life.
Why, how, when, where? These question linger.

But, we do know Who. We know God knows. We know God cares. We know God hears.
It doesn't minimize the loss.
But it provides a space. The presence of the Lord is real.
And God draws near to the brokenhearted.

As a community, we also face thoughts and articulation about death.
In my current class on social justice, we've been identifying how much is "not right" with the world. It is a broken place. Countless, unknown people to you and I die without even a second glance because of disease, evil, neglect, abuse, etc.

And so, I find additional comfort knowing that these friends who passed from this life were known. They loved and were loved. They knew and were known.

So many other things remain a mystery. But God is still love.
Today, that may be all I know.

add a word, write a story

2008-11-15T10:44:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure where this started, but I sometimes play a game with people in a car where you write/tell a story by every person taking turns and adding a word (Was that from you, Mom?). I'm on a road trip visiting B's family and we wrote this story yesterday.

Once
there
lived
a
really
hungry
hippo
who
promised
to
never
eat
a
monkey
again.
Then,
without
delay,
he
started
running
to
the
neighbor's
house
which
smelled
horrible.
Just
then,
a
spider
tripped
on
enormous
piles
of
monkey
manure
and
sticks.
"Help!"
he exclaimed,
"would
someone
with
kleenex
help
remove
this
splinter?"
However,
noone
would
listen
or help
with
his
splinter
predicament.

Meanwhile,
back
at
the
hippo
hospital,
ten
doctors
administered
a broken
treatment
because
they
believed
that
if they
could
treat
monkeys
and
heal
rats,
then
spiders
could
run
through
monkey
manure
without
getting
splinters.

The End.

in the category of silly moments

2008-11-06T10:13:00.005-05:00

The other day at work I quickly walked outside to post a package in a UPS dropbox to be certain it shipped that night. It's a great thing because UPS picks up by 6 pm and the drop box tells you (or me, rather) whether or not the shipment has been picked up or not. I love that.

It was week one of my spiritual justice class. I was actually thinking and praying as I walked, inviting God to make me more aware of these issues on his heart and in my life.
I say all of that in a vain attempt to excuse what happens next.
See, our UPS box stands next to our USPS box.

And, if you had not already guessed, in my serious social justice contemplation, I sadly dropped the prepared and labeled UPS package into the USPS box. I can't even tell you how badly I wanted a "go go gadget arm" to slip into the narrow USPS opening and drag out my package. Oh it was a desperate moment. I confess, not sans a swear word either. Social justice issues and talking with God were no longer my concentration, obviously.
For days I kept checking our mailbox at work, thinking the nice postal person would return the UPS package with a helpful, "cannnot send without proper postage" or something, stamp.

Nothing.
It was worse than waiting for a bathroom stall to open up when you really really REALLY have to go. (I know. THAT bad.)

Here it is, nearly two weeks later.
My coworkers and I are taking a coffee break in the gorgeous sunshine Tuesday afternoon.
And we see him.

The USPS carrier, picking up the mail from the aforementioned USPS box.
So I ran (not kidding), ran, like a groupie to the band, to talk to the mail carrier.
I mentioned my plight.

And he smiled. "I caught it," he said, as I breathed again for the first time in two weeks. "I placed it in the UPS box."

Now, seriously, he is my favorite person of the week. What a fabulous individual. It was all I could do to not hug him.
We have a great mail carrier AND system.
Despite my moments of distraction.

No matter what happens today

2008-11-04T06:19:00.002-05:00

10 Predictions No Matter Who Wins the Election

1. The Bible will still be the indisputable word of God.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

Isn't it great to know who is really in control ?!!
The will of God will never take you
where the Grace of God will not protect you.

This is sent from my Mom (thank you!).
It's a good reminder to me that Jesus is the Savior. Of the world!

Suck no more

2008-10-31T19:27:00.004-04:00

You know how certain words are somewhat off limits?
Well, suck is one of those words.

Here is an acceptable use: My vacuum sucks!

Unfortunately, that is not currently true.
My vacuum no longer sucks so I had to take it in for service.
Sad.
Of all the cleaning jobs, I love vacuuming.

When we were kids, particularly on days off, but also on weekends,
(as my sisters could testify to) we always had jobs to do.
If choices were on offer, vacuuming and ironing were the jobs I picked.
Dusting is a chore I still avoid. Dusters don't seem to breakdown like vacuums do. Bummer that!

to vote or not to vote

2008-10-27T23:54:00.002-04:00

Recently a friend's seven year old asked me who I wanted to be president. Interesting question. I considered the reality that I will vote for someone, but there are many days I'm not sure either candidate is who I want leading our country.

In hanging out with some friends recently, a couple of them said they were so undecided about who to vote for that they were considering not voting.
The statement horrified me.
"You must vote," I insisted.
"Women previously did not have the right to vote," I argued,
"they fought for that right."
As if voting now fulfills the fight for the privilege of voting.

Still, I couldn't let it go.
"Just chose something," I pleaded...

But the question lingered. If you do not feel supportive of or drawn toward either candidate, do you vote? Does not voting symbolize something? Do you chose a certain issue and make that your basis for voting? Do you have a responsibility to vote? What is communicated if you remain silent?

Any responses out there?

this is where i live

2008-10-20T22:13:00.008-04:00

and these?

these are some of the endearing (tee hee!)
creatures that sometimes await me
literally outside my window.

(and at this particular moment
outside my car window.)

Did I mention I live in the city?
Because, really, I do. And by city,
I mean not remotely in the country.

But I'm not complaining.

I never get tired of this view.

I really don't know it all! (as if that's news to anyone)

2008-10-18T08:05:00.005-04:00

It really surprised me. On my way to work this morning,
as I neared the entrance to Calvin College,
where there are a series of traffic lights lumped together,
while I was dutifully waiting at a red light,
a car blew by me, and "ran" the red light.

Of course I noticed the car. I have this ridiculous competitive streak in me that tends to want to "beat" others out of a stop. It's as silly as it is innate. The other reason I noticed the car, aside from their blatant disregard of the traffic signal, was that it had a Washington state license plate. Ah. Rebel Calvin student, I determined.

Or likely not. The car's driver was a rather seasoned older lady who DID stop at the next red light giving me the chance to glance, or as the case was, completely, without inhibition or manners, stare at her. Not such a young irresponsible college student.

It's good to be surprised on your way to work on a Saturday morning.

while driving

2008-10-17T07:06:00.003-04:00

Fall color explodes all over Michigan.

Such could be the daily news headline this week.
It is glorious.
The sight of it truly catches my breath.
It was so overpowering,
it was all I could do to keep driving
while I passed some of the spectacular sights.

Color. Here. Over. The. Top.
Fabulous.

But, along with that splendor,
I was on the way to lunch
to celebrate my friend Denise for her birthday
(I'm sitting next to her in the photo here).
And that was fun, too.

Sigh. I miss working with her!
Happy Birthday, lady.

disillusioned

2008-10-16T10:49:00.003-04:00

Is there any truth?
Yes. But we might not find it in our political system. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm, but I am weary, and at times I am fearful regardless of who is elected.

Personally, I'm advocating the strategy of pray pray pray. Pray for God's agenda to rule the hearts of ALL who serve in political office. This isn't a new strategy, of course, reference our friend Daniel. He certainly pursued faithful, fervent prayer in spite of a leader who did not profess faith in Yaweh. And we read of amazing outcomes.

Could we talk to God as much about our leaders as we talk or complain to each other about the candidates? Could we pray for their hearts to turn to God's heart? Could we engage in Christ-like living so that we care for the poor, the orphan and the alien among us? Could we adjust our personal spending habits to say with integrity to our government that spending beyond our means is not what we support? These are only a few areas. Those are huge challenges for me personally. But these ideas feels more hopeful than other things on offer. This is not a popular or politically correct comment, but Jesus still is the only hope. Of this I'm certain.

If you're interested in some of the things discussed last night, I browsed to "hear" what was being said about the latest debate and the following was posted:

FactChecking Debate No. 3
October 16, 2008
Sorting out fact and fiction in the presidential candidates' final debate.
Summary
Spin and hype were apparent, once again, at the third and final debate between McCain and Obama:

* McCain claimed the liberal group ACORN “is now on the verge of maybe perpetrating one of the greatest frauds in voter history ... maybe destroying the fabric of democracy.” In fact, a Republican prosecutor said of the first and biggest ACORN fraud case: “[T]his scheme was not intended to permit illegal voting.” He said $8-an-hour workers turned in made-up voter registration forms rather than doing what ACORN paid them to do.

* McCain said “Joe the plumber” faced “much higher taxes” under Obama’s tax plan and would pay a fine under Obama’s health care plan if he failed to provide coverage for his workers. But Ohio plumber Joe Wurzelbacher would pay higher taxes only if the business he says he wants to buy puts his income over $200,000 a year, and his small business would be exempt from Obama’s requirement to provide coverage for workers.

Update Oct. 16: ABC News reported the morning after the debate that Wurzelbacher admitted to a reporter that he won't actually make enough from his new plumbing business to pay Obama's higher tax rates. ABC said his admission "would seem to indicate that he would be eligible for an Obama tax cut."

* Obama repeated a dubious claim that his health care plan will cut the average family’s premiums by $2,500 a year. Experts have found that figure to be overly optimistic.

* McCain claimed that Obama’s real “object” is a government-run, single-payer health insurance system like those in Canada or England. The McCain campaign points to a quote from five years ago, when Obama told a labor gathering that he was “a proponent of a single-payer health care program.” But Obama has since qualified his enthusiasm for Canadian-style health care, and his current proposal is nothing like that.

* Obama incorrectly claimed all of McCain’s ads had been “negative.” That was true for one recent week, but not over the entire campaign. And at times Obama has run a higher percentage of attack ads than McCain.

* McCain described Colombia as the "largest agricultural importer of our products." Actually, Canada imports the most U.S. farm products, and Colombia is far down the list.

* Obama strained to portray himself as willing to break ranks with fellow Democrats. His prime example was his vote for a bill that was supported by 18 Democrats and opposed by 26. Congressional Quarterly rates him as voting with his party 97 percent of the time since becoming a U.S. senator.

As I said, Jesus is the hope of the world. I am still hopeful in (and praying for) His love changing everyone and everything.

funfact friday tuesday edition

2008-10-14T22:39:00.002-04:00

It occurred to me that maybe no one else can relate to this. I recently returned a set of silverware to my sister. She has her own place once again so she needed some of the stuff that I was storing, er using. So, I packed up her precious silver (is it, really? silver?) and delivered it to her. And then returned to my house to use my shall we call them eclectic collection of various styles. You would remember this eclectic set as the set you used at college. You know, the hand me down from everyone, very little matches, you don't care if you lose one. Yes. That set.

But here is the funfact, I have favorites. Even while using my sister's matching set, I had a favorite spoon from my collection.
And I use it and reuse it.
Just this morning I used it for my cereal.
And tonight I washed it and reused it to eat yogurt.

It's what I like to eat with.

No, this information will not even begin to solve the economic crisis.

But it distracts me from yet another must write before the deadline paper.
So there you go.

Any other favorite fork, knife or spoon people out there? What about favorite coffee mugs? I know u exist!

Okay. To paper writing I go.

unexpected

2008-10-13T19:24:00.003-04:00

Have I blogged about the conversation that my coworker and I experienced a few weeks ago at a local coffee joint? Ask me about it sometime.

Today is about a similar moment. We order our coffee. I had a free one that my coworker used, AND I had a coupon for myself. I love that I had coupons. (I never have coupons, well, except expired ones, which then makes me give up on coupons all together.)But forgive me, coupon excitement is NOT the point here.

Anywho, we wanted to enjoy a few moments of this glorious fall day, but there were folks sitting at the one outside table. In my previous story, we sat down at the table anyway, and had an incredible conversation with the others seated there.

Perhaps the people at the table were warned, because by the time we finished ordering they were gone, leaving the table for us. Today, we sat, trying to memorize our school verse. Here it is: May the favor of the Lord rest upon us. Establish the work of our hands for us, yes, establish the work of our hands" (Psalm 90:17).

We'd been squinting and sipping for a few minutes when a gentleman asked, "could I have this chair?" he motioned, as if to take it away from the table.
"Sure, but you can sit here," I laughed, "we're nice."

And so he did.
We kept memorizing.
He made a phone call.
He mentioned it was his sister's birthday.
We commented on his cool Iphone.
He said it was a great phone for his business.
Which led us to talk about his business.
Which led into a conversation about my coworker possibly joining the business.

My coworkers hours were reduced recently, and the opportunity for him to be involved in this business, using a gift he already has, on his "free" time would be ideal. The two jobs could really mesh into a decent income. In addition, this new opportunity could possibly provide moments for Pat to talk about Jesus with people who may not have a personal relationship with Jesus, which is Pat's very favorite thing to do.

I can't really articulate how amazing these moments are.
But there is such a sacred sense that we would really miss out if we didn't occasionally drop in at this coffee shop and sit at this table and talk to strangers.

It's like a portal for encouraging us that God is at work and He invites us to participate. And I would hate to miss out on that.

Now, winter is coming, so I wonder if the portal will move inside???

B's birthday

2008-10-11T23:51:00.003-04:00

Here are a few shots of the birthday boy
walking through a wall of streamers as he
gets surprised by an impromptu party.

Sometimes a person can only wait so long
before melted wax morphs into the frosting. (Perhaps this is what happens when you need too many candles on your cake?) :-)

How do you fake a surprised face like this? It is truly fun to watch someone open a gift when they're not expecting it.

I appreciate that birthdays provide the opportunity
to reflect on the gift of a person,
and to pray God's best for the "new" year.

Happy Birthday Barkley.

a maize ing

2008-10-09T14:03:00.016-04:00

For some unknown perhaps media-influenced reason, I've been fearful of corn mazes.
Who knew? See, I have this memory of friends
jumping out of corn stalks
somehow related to children of the corn. I confess, I didn't watch the movie. So I'm only assuming it's scary. Corn stalks are associated with fear. Whatever. Let's blame it on attending college in Iowa.

This weekend, I enjoyed a fabulous fall experience. Sunny, warm days, brisk, nearly frosty nights,
with leaves changing color almost in the time you turn around.
In some trees the leaves seem to reach consensus or something, as the color starts spreading slowly and then, undeniably, it has bled through the tree, capturing every leaf. Brilliant!

Anyway, when the idea to traipse through a corn maze surfaced,
given my silly fear of such things, I admit I was hesitant.
But it was completely fun.

If the opening photo does any justice, it shows the detail of this particular field.
And they had a satellite photo of it, too, that accurately resembles the barn, et al. I was quite impressed. One of the most impressive things was that they actually create the maze as the corn is growing, as in, they don't just hack through the mature plant. They stake flags and mow it down almost immediately as it grows. (You probably knew that, but for me, new info.)

We wandered through the maze,
answering questions about corn, agriculture, etc.

Most of the answers, I could guess. But some proved a wee bit challenging.
I know you weren't with me, so here's one for you. See how you do.

Is corn a:
a. fruit
b. root
c. stalk
d. stem

Along with all the corn things, it was simply a lovely fall weekend.
The mums,
the pumpkins,
the gourds,
the corn,
it all worked.

Glory explodes in these days. And I'm loving the privilege of breathing it all in.

Thanks for the views, Papa!

take 2

2008-10-04T14:09:00.016-04:00

These were a few of my favorite things...

Co workers and friends...

Food...

Family...

more food

sisters

phone calls (not sure how to picture here),

wall greetings (think facebook logo)
(And yes, I'm being lazy.
It's my birthday--I can if I want to.)

And time with Barkley at his
first visit to IKEA...
among some of the highlights of the day.

And did I mention, I took a vacay day at work?
I highly recommend it as a birthday practice!

Hooray.
what a fun fine day.

photo journey of a birthday

2008-10-03T14:32:00.002-04:00

well...I intended to share these photos...and was so excited...but then, I uploaded a birthday gift, the latest version of Ilife, including I-photo and well, I don't know how to attach photos.

This is what I get to say about my birthday,
it was great.
I loved it.

I have some photos to prove it.
Maybe tomorrow.

This is one of the most lame posts I've offered. But i'll make it up. I promise.

My Dad

2008-10-01T08:17:00.006-04:00

I've told people for years that I was my Dad's 40th birthday gift. (Technically, I was a day late, which may say things about my life, but hey, still, I was so close.)

I called him just after midnight last night to be the first to wish him a Happy Day. And what is so cute and endearing about my Dad, is that he was reading the card I had sent him and wanted to explain something. (And I mention this for two reasons. This is one.) He commented that reading all those nice things on the card made him sound like he was a perfect Dad. And he assured me he was not perfect. He had made mistakes like anyone.

I quickly mentioned that birthdays are NOT the time to list one's imperfections. (Clearly, I don't want him to mention my imperfections tomorrow!)

Dallas Willard said that
the more you get to know someone in Christ,
the more you love them,
because you see them as Christ intends for them to be.
And for the most part, that is the way my Dad loves. He greets people with warmth, generosity and humor as if they are his long lost friend, regardless of age or circumstance. I like that about my Daddy. And yet, he knows he is not perfect. That is true for us all. But we are loveable. And we are loved.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I'm so grateful for another year to celebrate you!!

Pix credit: top--Carmen, in Galena 0608
bottom--Hildred, on the Olympic Penisula (is anywhere more beautiful??)0208

The girls--birthday shout out to my nieces

2008-09-29T07:48:00.010-04:00

Today is my nieces' birthday. I love saying that. It is pretty unusual. Often people will respond, "both of them have a birthday today? Are they twins?"
And I shake my head and say that they were born three years apart. Georgia Grace was a unexpected "gift" for Katrina Joanne on Kate's third birthday.

I wish you could get to know them in this simple post. They are beautiful girls. Kate turns 10, Georgia 7. And they are growing up into such lovely young ladies.
If only you could sense what happens in Kate when I've sat next to her in her room at bedtime and prayed with her. There is something so spiritually sensitive within her. And you may recall her trip to Chicago to receive her surprise American Girl doll. She doesn't demand a toy at every turn. She is developing a lovely sweet spirit.

And then there is Georgia who even at an early age could tell jokes and make a person laugh. Her strong will may have caused more grey hair in my sister, but since starting school it seems, Georgia has come into her own. She is also a delightful young girl. When Kate brought back something for her from the American Girl doll store, Georgia said, "This is for me?" with so little expectation and complete gratitude.

It is a gift to celebrate them. It is a gift to experience (even from a far) how God continues to nurture and develop their hearts, souls and spirits.

Happy Birthday dear Katrina!
Happy Birthday beloved Georgia!

offended?

2008-09-27T23:29:00.001-04:00

Please know that in the category of important things, this post subject would not qualify for the top ten. But, it's on my mind thus, you're stuck with it.

Here's what went down. A person in my spiritual formation program, a few semesters behind me, posted a comment in her facebook status about her current class. I replied to her post.
And then she responded to me:
Hi Diana! Which class are you in now? And...is that a grandchild in your picture?????
The picture is of my friend's baby. He is adorable. And if I did the math, if I had a child at 18ish and my child had a child at 18ish, mathematically speaking, I could have a grandchild. But..well, listen in on my response:

I'm in Spirituality and Leadership. It is also a class to look forward to! And um, no, not a grandchild. I'm not yet a parent. :-)

This comes ironically after my friend, the very mother of the baby I'm holding, blogged about her experience when someone thought she was the grandma of the same child.

I confess, I'm not too stressed out about age. I turn 39 this very week and I'm grateful for another birthday. I love life. I am delighted for the opportunity to love God and love others for another year.

But, this whole thinking I'm a grandma thing, it's kinda bugged me. Given that the mother of this child is six years younger than me, and SHE was confused as a grandma doesn't console me. Goodness, at least she is a parent, even though she looks and acts nothing like a grandparent.

To complete the comments, here is the response to me:
Oops - sorry! I hope I didn't offend you girlfriend! I AM a grandma - so I just made an assumption...we grandmas get younger all the time! :-)

She wrote that a day or so ago. And since i'm clearly NOT over it, it's no surprise to say I was offended. I was whining about it to Barkley, and he said, "perhaps your blond hair in the photo looked grey?"
To which I quickly quipped, "but, I don't have wrinkles by my eyes, or lines by my mouth." Yes, clearly, this isn't sitting well. But why? I hear grandparenting is a fabulous time of life. Some people comment that they wish they'd become grandparents sooner. Most people really really really like their grandmas (I'm one of them).

Even so, I'd rather not be thought as one.
Gentle reader (tee hee, who says that?), here's an opportunity to input should you care to respond:
should I tell her I was offended?
or is it time to let this whole thing go?
Any thoughts out there?

cyber wave

2008-09-25T01:04:00.006-04:00

In gmail's chat and facebook's chat features, when a person is online (if they enable chat) they show up as a green dot. So the other day, I saw the green dot of my classmate from Tanzania.

As I tried figure out what time it was in her world, I sent her a chat saying, "I see you. I don't want to bother you if you're doing homework. Consider this a cyber wave or something."

She responded, "come sit by me for awhile."

I loved it.
The invitation to sit with her and be present.

Sweet.

funfact friday

2008-09-19T08:47:00.010-04:00

A couple of my bloggin friends inspired me with their reoccurring features...like Confession Tuesdays and
Netherlands Neusdays
and Interview Tuesdays (ha, just realized they're all on Tuesdays). I'm not going to copy them completely, because I can't commit to such regularity. But occasionally I tho't I might offer tasty or otherwise tedious tidbits of well, perhaps pure silliness or random information.

Today I offer this:
Jordan and I walk nearly every weekday morning. We see wildlife (today as an example, four adult deer, three fawns, and several, maybe ten wild turkeys) and sunrises and fog, besides people and all weather related sights. Today I noted again that when I walk on sidewalks, especially, I subconsciously avoid cracks.

The whole, "step on a crack, break your Mother's back" rhyme, well, it is ingrained in me to not step on them. I change my stride, I pull up or lengthen it all to strain beyond or step short of the sidewalk crack. In fact, I try to make myself NOT pay attention to it, and the very next stretch of sidewalk I realized I was doing it all over again. It's the little bit of OCD in all of us perhaps. Or, at least, in me.

Does anyone else do this? or anything like it? I'm hoping someone can identify with me.

Pic credit: Hildred, 0907.

seasons and gifts

2008-09-16T19:05:00.008-04:00

If you've been "a regular" here for awhile, you know I discuss much of my life on this blog. I don't usually hold back. You may also know I've been dating this great guy, Barkley, and I don't talk about him a lot.

I remember returning to Seattle during my college years and sensing that saying "no," when I answered the "do you have a boyfriend" question was somehow the wrong answer as well as the abrupt end to the questioner's interest in my life and experiences. That may seem a bit harsh, but it was often my experience. As if my love life or potential partner was the only thing of interest to talk about. I often felt disgusted imagining that my worth was measured based on whether or not I was "linked" to another person romantically.

People don't intend this, of course. Our culture is in love with love, or at least overly interested in romance. (Have you noted all the "reality" tv shows about love, romance, & dating, for starters?) People want to hear stories of dating and romance. Especially if they are happily married, they want that for other people as well. But somehow, the conversation communicates that value exists if you are married, engaged, or otherwise dating.

(You may appreciate that at this very moment, my Itunes playlist landed on Barlow Girl's song, Average girl, with the lyrics, "no more dating, I'm just waiting...")

And I'll own that I am sensitive to this area. When I was giving leadership to small groups in a church setting, someone asked me why I didn't lead a group for singles. My response communicated that I wanted to know people from all aspects of life. I needed married people, families, singles, old, young, divorced, dating, etc. in my circle of community. They pondered what I would have in common with married people, and families. Perhaps overlooking the fact that I was born into a family and had married friends. But I digress.

It is a great honor to be single. This is not just a single girl trying to talk herself into contentment. I mean that the opportunities one has as a single person are great. Although all the responsibility is on one's shoulder as a single person, the freedoms are on offer as well. It is something I consider as a complete God gift, this single life. It is rich with community and opportunity and diversity. As much as marriage provides definition, singleness shapes and defines me.
Which brings me back to Barkley...although, be assured, this is no announcement. But some people wonder why I don't post about him more. I don't in part because he is more private than I am. As open as I might be about "my" life and adventures, it does not give me the right to be as open about "his" life and adventures, even if some of those adventures include me.

But he and I did talk about this blog. And he encouraged me to write more about him as appropriate. And so, as part of something else that is defining and shaping me, I give you, my Barkley. Tee hee. Okay, not really. But, I expect you'll see more of him on these pages. As he becomes more and more part of my heart and life, you may read more of that journey here, too. It is also a rich gift.

Remembering

2008-09-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

I started this posts days ago, actually, on September 3. I wanted to add this particularly photo but found difficulty scanning it until this weekend. It was taken the last time I was with Grandma, celebrating Easter, 2003.
And so the post began...

Today would have been my Grandma's birthday, a mere 104 years old.
It's strange that she has been gone already five years.
Her life was full of love and vitality, even near the end.
I certainly loved knowing her and being loved by her. I know we all miss her warmth and richness, not to mention her sparkling brown eyes and quick laugh.

I was reminded of her and reminded of this post, actually, as I read homework this weekend. We're reading The Congruent Life by c. Michael Thompson.
He outlines this view,
"In this culture, we have no concept whatsoever
of this interesting concept we call the 'present'...
We are constantly living in the future,
and everything we do is designed to get it here more quickly.
It's as if we are constantly
pulling the fabric of time toward ourselves,
ill-content to let it flow towards us at its own pace,
and thus unable to appreciate,
much less fully enjoy, the richness of the fabric
that might at this moment be in our hands."

As I drove home yesterday reflecting on that reading, I remembered how Grandma used to wonder aloud why she was still living. Her mind was sharp even though, as she quickly acknowledged, her body was failing. But there she was, nearly 100 years old, wondering at times why God held her here.

So I wonder if it was because she learned how to be present? She was such an encouragement to people who worked at the nursing home where she lived. She was a joy to all who visited her, or visited her roommates, for that matter. It was not only her eyes that sparkled. Grandma sparkled. Of course she had her moments, what 98 year old woman wouldn't? But for the most part, Jennie Hubers Van Roekel blessed those who were in her presence. I think because she could offer her presence, be fully present, as it were, to those around her. Sure, she walked the pathway of past moments and experiences, too. But when you sat with her, her focus was you. It was such a gift.

generosity

2008-09-11T15:30:00.000-04:00

Warning:
Dear reader,
There is some language in the following post that is not typical of my blog. (Although, sadly, sometimes typical of my speech. Sorry, Mom.) I could remove certain letters, but you're smarter than that. So, please forgive the vulgarity for this little tale.

It all started when I needed to be at work early today.
(And by early, I mean 9:30, which doesn't seem early to some, but since I work until 8 or 9 p, 9:30 a is definitely early.)

I like to start the work day right (for me) with a glass of water.
You who know me well, know I drink a lot of water.
It is my beverage of choice at most, if not all occasions.

But to do so, or really, for the next person to enjoy water, I needed to replace the water cooler container. (This sounds so altruistic, doesn't it?)
I automatically remove the seal and get ready to flip the jug over into the unit. But somehow, in the flipping, it slips.

Water starts spurting everywhere like an out of control fire hose.
And then the jug drops completely out of my hands.
I see water escaping wildly from both ends and realize in the drop, the bottom of the jug has cracked.

I sputter something in the process, likely, "Shit, Shit. Shit!" to which my co-worker comes running.
He surveys the situation and exclaims, "Crap!"
as I'm muttering, "what do I do?"
He says, "put it in the sink,"
which we both realize is in a locked classroom across the hall.

So he grabs the garbage can and we fling the leaking jug in there.
He begins carrying it across to the aforementioned locked classroom and we notice the garbage can is leaking. (Mind u, it had a bag in it, but, okay, it's leaking.)

I fumble with the keys and finally unlock the classroom.
He dashes toward the sink only to have the "bucket" burst.

Yep, guess we can't afford to have a trash can without a hole in it either.

The redeeming part of the day is that Absopure happened to deliver NEW bottles today. And when I told them the story, they communicated that when a bottle breaks, they refund the bottle. And even more generous, he refunded TWO bottles.

Perhaps it was the four fans spinning overtime to soak up the water that evoked his mercy? Or, they're just a great company.

I know I highly recommend them.
And I highly recommend the laughter that spontaneously bursts forth after an incident like this.
It has amused me, us, and now hopefully you, in random moments all day long.
Probably a chuckle will escape tomorrow, too.
Maybe over the weekend...

More Grace

2008-09-10T10:08:00.000-04:00

It may be about once a year.
Grace comes to town. (As Jordan and I pose with her in this photo op--thankfully so she could diffuse a bit of our patterned fabric overload!)

It is a sweet treat.
I love this lady.
Oh, and incidentally, I love her daugher, too. Hi Aeri!
I am really grateful for the experiences and persons that God has placed in my life over the years, and particularly those I connected with at my last job.

His timing and planning moved me elsewhere. And for this I also rejoice. But for those in the midst of that urgent work, and for those who are called to that place and space, I pray God's deep abiding love, grace, and peace. Certainly the enemy does not want the work of building God's people to succeed. May God's Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven!

Bread and Jam

2008-09-09T09:03:00.000-04:00

At church Sunday we exchanged sack lunches for a potluck. Some might call it a mystery lunch!
It reminded me of a book my family had, accompanied with an audio recording-- a record (LP anyone?) that I could read and listen to for hours. It is the story of Frances, a sweet bear who compares her lunch to her classmates' lunches. She begins wishing she could have lunches like other people in her class. She explores her discontent even by trading her lunch.
At the end, she resolves that she likes her familiar bread and jam after all.
It's sweet.
Does any one remember this classic children's book?

Our church hosts potlucks rather regularly. This particular sack lunch exchange is a fun twist. I actually don't know who packed my lunch. But it was perfect. A turkey and cheese sandwich (with optional condiments if desired), a fabulous apple (a braeburn, my favorite), a rice krispy bar (also a fav) and another candy type/fiber bar. I loved it.
Perhaps an unknown twist to this exchange is that there are those who HIDE the lunches they packed to ensure that they get one they like. Where is your sense of adventure people? You're still fun, just not the risk taker I took you for. :-) (A few of you, to remain nameless of course.)

Perhaps they, like Frances, are most content with their own "bread and jam" or whatever it is they packed.

Please see update

2008-09-08T19:07:00.000-04:00

Many of you have asked and inquired about what is happening. Thanks for your care and concern. There really has not been much to report. But, now there is news. Please see the updates I added the post about Hilmer (from a few posts ago).

Thanks for your continued prayer and support for this family.

belonging

2008-09-02T13:04:00.000-04:00

This Labor Day weekend was an experience I will never forget. Years ago I read Joe Meyers' book called A Search to Belong. It challenges readers to understand community and intimacy in a different ways by opening one's eyes to the idea of community in terms of spaces. One of those spaces is the connection one feels with a group of strangers at say a large sporting event. People you may have nothing in common with, or know nothing about, suddenly are your closest and most favorite people as you together rally and scream for a shared interest, a sports team.

So at nearly my first ever live college football event (I do mean event, as it clearly is more than a mere game), as I traveled to Atlanta over Labor Day weekend, I experienced connection with people in amazing ways. It's a bit unnerving, honestly, as I reflect on the experience. Part of it relates directly to the clothing.
People wearing similar clothing, or at very least, clothing with the same color and logo, exchange things like inside jokes and secret handshakes, except that they don't appear to be exclusive about it, or want to keep it a secret. The more people involved the better.

Hours before the game, if someone saw you and the associated ball cap with logo (or whatever branded clothing, etc.), they share a greeting. I soon discovered that this particular greeting, "Roll tide!" is something akin to "hello!" "goodbye" "how are you?" "good luck" and everything in between.

And then on the subway, on the way to the game, it's not only a greeting, it's a battle cry. (Imagine the rumble as one person begins the slow and then becoming thundering--say like a rush of elephants or something-rrrrrrrooooolllltttttiiiiIIIIIIIDDDDDDEEEEEEE!)

Now, should any of the opposing team choose to ride this same subway, well, let's just say, it's probably safer for them to have their own car, or really, entire train if pressed. In this jungle, an elephant can easily crush a tiger you see.
As one who donned the shirt, and rushed with the crowd for the first time, I must say,
it was quite an honor to participate in the tradition
and feel so much like, well,
like I belonged.
Roll Tide Roll!

breakfast at Hildred's

2008-08-29T11:52:00.000-04:00

It's about presentation.
And color.
It's about conversation
Laughter.
AND good food.
Sweet.

Thanks for hosting me sister!

close to home

2008-08-26T23:58:00.000-04:00

Friends of my parents, and really of my family, are in trouble. It's not really even trouble so much as a really rather bizarre and tragic situation, because the man, husband, father, friend of my parents is missing--for nearly five days. These two news stories do more justice than my retelling can do.
I don't understand how or why things happen to certain people (and not to others). But at this moment, these brothers and sisters in Christ could really use prayer.

So, as you talk to God about things, please remember them and cry out for mercy with them and for them.
It's hard not to imagine the worst and that does make this outcome rather grim. Yet I know, our God can do exceedingly more than we ask or imagine, so, I do live in hope of God's best.

Thanks, friends.

UPDATES 090808

These emails were posted today from the family (please keep talking to God about this family):

After hours of waiting by the phone and making calls to the King County Sheriff, the Seattle Police, and Missing Persons, at 1 AM I received a phone call from a Shoreline Fire Dept. chaplain who was sent to our house by the King County Sheriff. He was already parked outside my house when he called to see if he could come in and talk to us.

He was called by the Supervising Sergeant of the Seattle Police Dept. to tell us what was going on. Basically, my dad's car is so far down a very steep and dangerous ravine that recovery could not begin until daylight. They were worried about the car slipping farther down the ravine, safety of recovery staff, etc. The area was cordoned off and two police officers were going to stay at the site all night until recovery would begin. The chaplain was very kind and explained more to us and told me that the Medical Examiner Investigator wanted me to call him as soon as I could. The chaplain dialed the number and I spoke at length (about 45 minutes) with the ME. He actually went down the ravine in the dark, touched my father's car, and was able to tell me the man in the car fit my dad's description. As I am a detail person, he answered a ton of my questions. I appreciated him and all the information he gave me.

Recovery began this morning at 8 AM. A crane will probably be needed to retrieve him and the car, they may be using other means of stabilizing the scene.

My father and the car are 100 feet from the road and 70 feet down the cliff. The area he went off the road is directly in Discovery Park where nobody would have heard or seen a thing unless they witnessed the accident. The ME states that it is amazing that anybody at all found him. We praise God that He allowed somebody to see him; this is what we've been asking for for the past 16 days.

An autopsy will most likely be done, per the ME, and we will be given a full report. I wanted to be there this morning but the ME told me that the media will eat me up alive. We are still toying with going to the site.

The Chaplain left our home at 2 AM. Our kids finally went to bed and then I called my sister and gave her the details.

My sister spent the night at mom's house and was able to give her just a bit of information this morning; all that she could handle. Please pray for my mom. Please pray for all of us; the days ahead are going to be difficult.

Praise God with us that my dad has been found and that he is in the arms of his heavenly father.

Dear Family and Friends,

My family of five went to the accident site and just returned home. I'm thankful that we did that. My kids have experienced more than I ever thought they would at this age. I'm grateful for the support we have been given, and I speak not just of my family, but of my sister's family, and my dear mother.

By the time we arrived, my father's body was already in the Medical Examiner's vehicle. The car was still in the very deep and steep ravine. We stood on the ground where he went over the edge. It was cabled up and lifted so that my father could be removed from it. We watched the long and tedious process of getting the car up the ravine, picking up all the pieces, and then hauling it away.

There were many Seattle Fire Trucks/personnel, Seattle Police, Seattle Police Volunteer Chaplain, and the Medical Examiners. Media was also there. Most of the firemen and policemen had been there overnight protecting the scene.

I don't know what all to say to you . . . it has been another overwhelming day. Closure for my family. I will share the photos, the many photos, I took of the scene with my sister and possibly my mother so they can find some sense of closure as well as it is entirely possibly, per the ME today, that we may not be able to see him again.

We pray that my father was gone, resting in the arms of his heavenly father, before he went over the embankment. If he wasn't, he must have been scared. This grieves my heart to no end.

The medical examiner will be calling me in a couple of hours to give me an initial report. My father's body will most likely be examined tomorrow morning.

I gave a statement to the media when all recovery personnel were gone. It took a couple of attempts because the tears came flooding and I couldn't talk. I thanked the Seattle Police, the Seattle Fire Department, the community, Missing Persons, etc. etc. etc. As I was still in the process of thanking I broke down again . . . I regret and am so sorry that I couldn't stop crying anymore so didn't get to mention our incredible church family and friends, and our relatives all over the states. All of you are so loved, so appreciated, so treasured . . . . you are our gifts from God. How in the world could we have gone through these last 17 days without you? Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

We covet your continued prayers . . . this is going to be a rough week. We are already exhausted, drained.

We miss our husband, our father, and our grandfather dearly.

time

2008-08-24T22:01:00.000-04:00

it's back to school.
back to reading.
back to writing.
back to solitude.
back to practicing disciplines.

back to...well, being a recluse?
could that even possibly describe me?

right. probably not.
first book up?
Henri Nouwen In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership.

It's good. Let the discussions and papers begin.

It's been nice knowing you. :-)

AND Happy Birthday friend Sandie. I celebrate you dear one!!

establish the work of our hands

2008-08-22T19:10:00.000-04:00

I spent the last two days with a couple hundred Spring Arbor University staff and faculty as we experienced our annual retreat. Annual is a relative term because we didn't technically have a retreat last year. Last year was a dinner, with a meeting. All day. Yawn. As in, too much information crammed in to a meeting. Previously they've hosted retreats and thus, the term annual.

We have a new president this year.
And he and the "first lady" are hilarious.
You know that way when you are completely surprised by how funny people are? The unexpected humor that slides under you like a banana peel to whisk you off your feet? That's the two of them. Very committed to the call at SAU. Very committed to Jesus. Very committed to each other. And slightly zany.

So, when it came time to take the annual (again, relative, b/c we take this photo say three or four times a year) picture with my coworkers, we had to don the "costumes" that the president and the first lady sported in their opening speech to staff. (We did invite them into a photo as well, but we kept on their costumes and let them be, well, presidential, or something.)

Beyond that "silliness" however, they also chose the verse of the year for our university. And it is a great prayer for the start of the academic year:

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us:
establish the work of our hands for us, yes,
establish the work of our hands" (Psalm 90:17).

We were also challenged, celebrated communion, and co-missioned to join Jesus in "taking over the world" as our motive and calling. I felt completely drawn in to the call, the urgency, the importance, and the community working together. These were good days--filled with hope and challenge to live into our identity individually and as a community.

May it be so, Papa. May it be so.

August 21

2008-08-21T07:20:00.000-04:00

I met Jordan on my first day at work. It was a whirlwind day as we were whisked away to Minneapolis to attend a conference.
Just beyond introductions and niceties, I found out we were rooming together.
And so the adventure began.

Today I pause to celebrate this friend.
It is the anniversary of her very birth.
And it is a day to acknowledge her wisdom, beauty, and grace.

Nearly daily we walk, laugh, listen, wait, wonder, pray and learn together. It is a privileged journey. I celebrate the gift of you Jordan.

Happy happy birthday!!

vision

2008-08-19T23:28:00.000-04:00

It is about perception and imagination. This particular man could envision options and shapes much beyond what I could concur up.
He had vision.
He had talent.
AND he had tools.
So, needless to say, when we first approached him
and watched his artistry,
and when we returned a few hours later,
he had sculpted,
to my untrained eyes, sheer art and masterpiece.
It was completely captivating to watch him,
as these photos reveal. It was a fabulous labor of love and grace.

God breathes so much creativity into us.
I wonder if we realize how much he calls us to create,
to craft,
and to present as an art
or as a creation to him?

road signs

2008-08-18T08:56:00.000-04:00

They post signs for a reason. On the way to camping with my church this weekend, to the place I first went camping (like returning to one's first love), a place that I love to camp, we headed down the shortcut, or, actually, the most direct route.
And that is when we saw the first road closed sign brightly declaring we could go no further.

It has been my experience, that sometimes a road closed sign really means, "road can't handle normal traffic." Or perhaps, "some construction occurring. Normal traffic should be rerouted until construction completed," or something like that. You know what I'm talking about. And so, I often challenge the sign, or perhaps, I test it, to make sure that the road is indeed closed, or, as in many cases, that it might in fact, be driveable.
So, on this particular drive, I felt it necessary to insure that the road closed signs were accurately posted. Part of the motivation was not just to test the signs, but because to go a different route, would mean going miles out of the way.
As we approached the blocked area, we could see the gates on either side. As I surveyed the situation, I naively (arrogantly? foolishly?) suggested we could "take" the gates, or at very least, go around them.
That is, until things came into full view. The hill hid the reality of the hole. It was not a little bit of road missing, it was the entire road fallen in to a sink hole. Completely gone.
The idea that we could drive around the warning fences was true, we could drive around them. It was navigating (jumping?) the 15 feet of nothingness that would prove most challenging. The sign signaled destruction, or potential destruction.

How true is that in our lives?
God offers a sign.
I push the edge, or test it's legitimacy.
Ultimately, my actions prove that I don't trust the sign, or the sign poster. And in testing things, I teeter on the edge of a chasm (and likely, sometimes fall in). Clearly a position that could be avoided.

Oh, and the other thing, the idea that I knew a more direct route, well, attempting to drive that direct route, because of my unwillingness to take posted detours, ended up taking an additional hour's worth of driving and backtracking. Where if I would have followed the initial reroute, might only have taken say 30 minutes.
Now we did happen upon the gorgeous field of sunflowers. But still.

When will I learn to trust?

queen for a day

2008-08-17T10:02:00.000-04:00

last weekend, I had opportunity, along with Beth, to babysit our friend's kids. That was a privilege. But beyond that, Beth invited me to spend the night at her house, which is perfect since she lives close to my church and it gives me a chance to hang out.
And so we did.

And she treated me.
I got to choose my favorite mug for coffee.
I slept in her newly decorated uber cute guest room.
And she made my favorite breakfast in the world.
(Can you see all the blueberries bursting out of there?)

Plus, to top it all off, we talked. Late into the night. And well into the morning.
It was a treat. Thanks, Beth!

terrible twos?

2008-08-14T00:00:00.000-04:00

I just remembered today, 0813 is the anniversary of this very blog.
Happy Anniversary to it. Or, er, something like that.

I start school again in 10 days so I expect posts may lessen. That is, until I have major projects due. At that time I usually find ways to procrastinate so posting fills the bill for that. anyway....

This was the original post. It will be interesting how the experience of a "being" a toddler will treat this space.

absence

2008-08-13T23:16:00.000-04:00

Someone once said that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

For people that I like and love,
absence truly makes me miss them more.
Returning to their presence, such as today's lunch,
well, as Denise said,
it cements to a greater degree how much we really miss each other.

Such was the case with lunch today.
Two former co-workers.
Too little time.

Sigh.
I miss them.
There's another saying that suggests that things get better with time. So here's a comparison for you.
This photo caught us during those last days of working together.

It was a privileged season to work with them. But I don't necessarily miss the working with them so much as I miss the regular honor of being with them.
Sigh again.

The one where Zeke kidnaps my camera

2008-08-12T09:30:00.000-04:00

I'm borrowing a clever and catchy phrase from my friend Sabrina who I adore (even if I don't really like Friends so very much).
It seemed most appropriate
as Zeke snagged my camera
and created this photo essay of the day.
I confess,
I didn't keep all his 49 photos!!

I like some of his angles, and his subjects.
My particular favorite may be
the one he captured of the front of his spiked hair.
Now the 14 pictures of the grass, well,
it just didn't seem necessary to keep those!!

But obviously I kept several photos. Good job, Zeke.
You may be a blossoming photographer yet. Who knows.

Digital cameras certainly allow for all the inexpensive exploring
and investigating one can imagine.
This final photo by the way,
is not Zeke.
But it is his brother, Basil, who did not want to be outdone
when he saw that Zeke had a camera.
Thus, he became both artist and subject.

Which could probably lead to a post titled,
"The one where Basil grabs the camera."
But, he didn't snag my camera so it won't be posted here!

Foisy Five

2008-08-12T00:10:00.001-04:00

Karla and Keith had their baby today. Foisy #5. Soren Micah joins older brothers Zeke and Basil and sisters September and Adeline. Z, B, and S get to enjoy Soren here on earth, while the reunion with Adeline will happen in a different way.

It's a happy day.
And Beth wrote about it...and posted pictures. So check it out and celebrate this beautiful new life!

Welcome baby Soren. We're so glad you're here.

POST EDIT: This just in: I got to see him today. He is beautiful. So I've added a few photos that I captured today. And yes, he is smiling up there.
So sweet.

46 years!!!

2008-08-10T20:34:00.000-04:00

Happy Anniversary to my parents!!!
Mom and Dad, it is such a blessing to spotlight you and celebrate your wedding anniversary. Naturally I can't recall the details of the day
(right, i wasn't there)!
But I do witness the love, commitment, laughter
and friendship that develops through the years.

It is a gift from God, to each other, and to all of us! Considering last fall with Dad's health, and the way we saw God answer prayer, it is a gift for us all to receive.

Happy Anniversary dear ones!

May you have many,
many,
many more to come.

080808

2008-08-08T17:52:00.000-04:00

As you probably well know, the Olympics started today.
I'm excited.

I had the privilege of being in Beijing two years ago, July, and they were already eagerly preparing for the Olympics. I can slightly envision what it must feel like to be there. I loved the opportunity to visit Beijing. I would put it in the "changed life" category. The people were spectacular. God captured my heart for China!

However, the air quality, the humidity, and the heat were such that the only time I really felt like I was breathing fresh air was when I was on the great wall. Ah. Delicious moments those were.

And you'll have to take my word for it, because, unfortunately, those picture, well, they were on my hard drive that crashed. Thankfully, among the few pictures that I really really really miss. I do have the memories.

Did you notice it's 080808. They say that eight is a very lucky number for the Chinese. Although I believe in God's power over luck, it's still a fun date.

I'm happy to cheer on the games.